H is for Hussy ~ Online #Dating Gone Awry ~ #AtoZchallenge

Photo from Chatter-fest.com

More Cowbell Monday is always about laughter. It’s just a rule around here that we start the week that way.

Today I’m going to take you back a few weeks to an impromptu roundtable discussion about online dating between twelve women.

We were at a birthday dinner for one of my BFF’s (y’all have heard about this poor gal whose date said: “Maybe you need another drink, because you seem kinda frigid to me.”)

All of these women except me were single, and all of these women had dating STORIES.

Having been with my hubby for eight years, I’ve missed a lot of the online dating horror experiences they relate. I know there are couples out there finding true love online – the services would be out of business otherwise – but this hasn’t been the case for MY friends.

Nope, here’s what a fly on the wall would have heard at our table:

“If these younger guys actually stopped texting me long enough to ask me out on a date, it would be shocking.”

“And why is it that all these guys want to send you pictures of them naked before you’ve ever met them? Give me some mystery, dude!”

“What is up with all the ‘winking?’ Do YOU wink, or wait for THEM to wink?”

“I stopped winking at guys. Whenever I do, they evaporate from the planet.”

“I’ve stopped winking too. The last dude I winked at sent me 14 emails. All of them had my photo attached and they had creepy one-liners in the body of the email.”

“Define ‘creepy.'”

“Like ‘Yum’ or ‘Ooooh, Baby!’ One email just said, ‘You sizzle my face.’ I don’t want to sizzle anyone’s face!!”

“Is anyone else noticing the increased interest in anal sex?” [To my shock, several of the gals piped up and agreed.] “I mean, seriously? You’re gonna ask me on the phone before we ever date if I like anal sex?? Now I don’t want any part of you near me.”

[This led to a whole side discussion on whether or not she was wearing white pants in any of her Match.com photos.

Note: Anyone who listens to Kevin and Bean on KROQ (106.7 FM here in the Southland) is well aware of their ongoing theory about white pants being code for “do me on the flip side.”]

The final concensus was that by the time you reach 30-35, your Crap-o-meter gets too fine-tuned to be able to date without cynicism. These women were dying to go back to the days when nice men asked them out without 15 texts and three photos of naked torsos flying back and forth.

As one particularly gorgeous gal said, “I miss the days when I could just be a hussy. Why is it so hard to find someone to be a hussy with nowadays?”

I didn’t have an answer for her, but here’s a sample of the kind of dating pool she’s getting to pick from (this video kills me every time I watch it! “I got a whole can of peas. A pallet of peas. I’ve got a whole warehouse o’ peas!”):


Have you tried online services like Match.com? What was your experience? Do you think online dating is helping or hindering the dating process? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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43 Responses to H is for Hussy ~ Online #Dating Gone Awry ~ #AtoZchallenge

  1. donnagalanti says:

    I did Matchmaker wayyyy back when like 13 years ago. Had a few great (free!) dinners and fell hard for one man who alas, could not deal with the fact I beat him at Trivial Pursuit or was faster then him on a bike…but then met my husband-to-be and when we went biking as pals I realized I had so much more fun with him that the other guy anyways. Voila! I actually met my husband at a Singles Volunteers group – they have then nationally. Great spot to do charity work and have fun meeting other people!

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  2. Oh wow. I don’t even know what to say except that those men are single for a reason and your friends deserve better!

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s what I thought, Marcy! (My actual first thought was, RUN!)

      But, it’s always better (when married) to pipe down during those discussions. I never had to deal with online dating. I was getting ready to go that route when I met my husband. I did speed dating, but I just didn’t trust someone I couldn’t get a visual read on (i.e. online).

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  3. Oh my … another reason to be glad you are happy with your partner! One of my best friends has been doing online dating, on and off, for seven years and I swear she could write a book that would have everyone on the floor laughing … hmm, maybe I should ghost it for her. Once, for an evening’s hilarious entertainment she walked me through her dating site account – OMG … it’s all true. She recently told me she is done with it – hanging with her girlfriends is way more fun and never creepy!

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  4. no online dating for me – I know it’s common but I love being single.

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  5. Stacy Green says:

    LMAO. Posts like this always make me happy I’m married. No way would I be able to put up with that crap. I can’t even imagine online dating, but it sure provides for some great laughs:)

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Thanks, Stacy! My friends would be happy to just meet someone they’d like to date and/or be a hussy with. I think they’ve almost given up on marriage.

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  6. Jillian Dodd - Glitter, Bliss and Perfect Chaos says:

    My sister-in-law did eharmony a few years ago. She met about 6 different guys. Three were complete jerks. Two others were nice in a friend sort of way. And the last one was Mr. Right. They had talked online, he drove the 3 hours to come see her, they had a 24 hour date and she told us she was pretty sure she was in love with him. After about 3 more amazing dates, she quit her job, packed her bags, and moved in with him. 5 years later they are still together and happy.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      How sweet and romantic is that? I know two people (now three with your SIL!) who met their sweeties online. The rest of the stories make me shudder.🙂

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      • Jillian Dodd - Glitter, Bliss and Perfect Chaos says:

        Until she met him, her meetings made us shudder too. I think some men look at it as a way to meet woman rather than their soulmate.

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        • Jenny Hansen says:

          It sounds to me like online dating allows some people to be lazy as hell. They don’t have to put the same kind of effort in (they think) because it’s “a numbers game.” I get really happy when I’ve heard soulmate stories like yours.

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  7. I’ve known 3 couples who hooked up through online dating – and they’ve all crashed and burned in rather spectacular fashion. So glad I married young. That guy is just downright scary.

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  8. I’ve never done online dating as I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, but I did place a personal ad in the SF Weekly in the mid 90’s and I described myself as “wicked cute,” but they inserted a comma between wicked and cute and I had several responses from men who wanted me to spank them. I never dabbled in personal ads again.
    My BF has used match.com and she has the funniest stories. They’re all horrible, but they’re great writing material.

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  9. Dating was always scary for me. First date or two I was always sure I was going to say something to make her hate me – or leave too big a lull in the conversation because I couldn’t think of anything to say. Glad I’ve been married for nearly twenty years.

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  10. tomwisk says:

    You’ll see Bobby@74 on America’s Most Wanted real soon. They’ll find the bodies buried under his mother’s marigolds. Never had a horror date, probably because I was too preoccupied with the question Why is this woman dating me? And what does she want?

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Love the ring of “his mother’s marigolds,” Tom! That’s so funny.

      I’ve gotta tell you, when I learned that all a date is about is spending time to see if you want another date, the entire process got easier. Maybe these ladies didn’t want anything more than to spend some time with you. Geesh.

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  11. Jane Sadek says:

    I’m an old married lady of eighteen years, but I can’t say anything about computer dating, because I went out with men I met in bars. Hard for me to believe it even now. For the record I married one I met at an art museum, but that was after a LOT of lounge lizards!

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oh, Jane, I met my honey in a bar too! And he is the most perfect (for me) dude in the world. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with meeting somebody in a bar. Unless it’s a lounge lizard…those lizards shed their skin at the drop of an ice cube.

      Like

      • Jane Sadek says:

        There’s nothing wrong with meeting a guy in a bar unless he turns out to be a serial killer. I just think about my wild disco days and wonder how I managed staying alive:)

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  12. Karen McFarland says:

    Oh wow Jenny. I knew it was rough out there, but I didn’t know how rough. Oh God am I ever out of the loop. And I’m thinkin’ I’m glad too. What a nightmare. I’ve been married for a long time. Like Lisa, I married young, right out of high school actually. I don’t know what I’d do if faced with this dilema. Run and hide I suspect. LOL!🙂

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  13. Catie Rhodes says:

    I never did online dating. I got married in 1991–back in the dinosaur ages before internet. LOL

    My husband and I have a friend who decided it was time for him to get remarried and have more kids. (Really, it was that romantic.) He went the online dating route. Most women ran like the devil was right on their heels. He did finally find someone, though. She’s just as weird as he is.

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  14. Reetta Raitanen says:

    Creepy! I knew there were weirdos out there in the dating services but not that so many women have had bad experiences. I’ve been married for soon 10 years (got married quite young too) so I’ve never really experienced dating different people. If I had to do it now… yikes, I wouldn’t try online. I’d get my friends to hook me up with someone they think I’d like.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I think there’s a reason why matchmakers have been around for so long. There’s a lot to be said for the family and friends weighing in. It doesn’t always make for the most comfortable dating experience, but your friends and family help separate the wheat from the chaff.🙂

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  15. Julie Glover says:

    Good gracious! I met my hubby at a church singles’ devotional. (True story. He was also my next door neighbor, so there was more to it.) Hearing the stories of single women trying to find a good guy make it easier for me to put up with the six pairs of shoes in my bedroom floor that can’t seem to make it into my husband’s closet and the periodic belching at the dinner table. My heart goes out to those great women who deserve true love. I know there are great guys out there. There must be some way of getting the good ladies and gentlemen together without having to encounter a Bobby Butronic.

    P.S. I am so glad I look terrible in white and never wear it.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I laughed so hard over your “p.s.” That’s fabulous. I look terrible in white too. I never wore it before, but now I REALLY don’t wear it, after listening to Kevin and Bean go on and on over the white pants. Gah!

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  16. LauraDrake says:

    OMG. If my husband dies, I’m getting dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, all kinds of dogs. I’ll come home, knock on the door, and they’ll say who’s there? I’ll say like, “Dogs.”

    Mostly though – dogs with big teeth to drive men like this away – oh yes, and anyone wanting to get ANYWHERE near “the flip side.”

    Holy mother of poop chutes, the world has gone mad.

    I so love my husband. I so love my husband. I so love . . .

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  17. Tia Bach says:

    I lauged out loud reading this. Hubby heard me, so I tried to read it to him. Note, I say tried. I was laughing so hard, he asked for me to just hand him my laptop. Hussy, what a great H. I’ve been married for 17 years (and married at 22), so I’m happy to say I have no stories to add to your collection.

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  18. I HATE online dating. There. I said it. That convo with the girls resonated far too much. I have a theory that most men on those sites aren’t looking to settle down. How could you when you have endless options at your fingertips. It’s disheartening. So for me it’s back to the drawing board😉

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Ingrid, I really liked speed dating. It got me in the right mindset to finally meet the one. It’s a numbers game for everybody, but I like it better if I get a live vibe of someone. Plus I can see tall, short, hair, no hair.

      I never really cared what they had, besides a fabulous personality, but the online photos LIE. Most of them are from 10 years ago, or taken of the person’s neighbor.

      I didn’t meet my guy speed dating, but speed dating helped me get over the nervousness of dating in general. If you read my comment to Tom above, that sums up my whole dating philosophy.

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  19. Emma says:

    I”m laughing out loud now watching this video. I’ve actually been thinking of looking into match.com or something similar but am a little wary about the whole internet dating scene, and after watching this video and reading what those single gals had to say, I probably should be scared!

    Like

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