Welcome to More Cowbell! Today is Thoughty Thursday when we examine whatever topic is kicking around in my brain for the week.
Since I started off my day at the periodontist, I’d have to say dental health is the topic at the top of my mind. My biggest fear (after plummeting to my death from great heights and homelessness) is going to the dentist.
After $50K in dental work (that included 5 oral surgeries), you’d think I would sail through these appointments like a pro. Not so much…
The dental avoidance behavior was in full force this week. I was a sad, pitiful case. Truly, my dentists probably hate to see me coming because I’m so neurotic about the whole thing.
The timeline went something like this:
Tuesday – 2 pm: As I was coming back from lunch I got a call from the periodontist’s office to confirm my appointment for Wednesday at 8 am.
WTF?? I have a dentist appointment tomorrow?! And it’s with the gum people *blood pounds in head* – they’ll poke me with that metal death hook and check me for POCKETS.
To the dental lady: I’m having some babysitting issues right now. Let me check to be sure I have coverage tomorrow. I’ll call you back if I have to cancel.
I dialed my neighbor thinking: Please don’t be free, please don’t be free…
Of course she was free. And delighted to watch Baby Girl for an hour while I went to the Gum Sadists.
I was feeling kind of woozy by the time all the calls were over, so I ducked into Starbucks for some afternoon latte therapy. Then I called my husband.
Me: I have to go to the periodontist tomorrow!
Him: You go every three months. I don’t know why it’s always a surprise.
Me: Because I block it out! Why do I have to be such a plaque-y beast?? *dramatic sigh* Other people who LIKE the dentist don’t have to go that often.
Him: I thought you liked these guys.
Me: Get with the program, Honey! It doesn’t matter if they’re nice guys, they’re DENTISTS. They have scrape-y jobbers and sucky things. And DRILLS.
Him: Laughing. Sucky things?
Him:You’re getting a cleaning. They’re not going to use a drill.
Me: But it will be IN THE ROOM…
Him: I’m going back to work now. I’ll put out the iPod charger when I get home.**
** Because he knows there is no way I can last through a dentist appointment without some really loud music to drown out the scraping. No iPod means I start crying like a baby for the gas (nitrous oxide).
I’ve gotten a lot better over the years…at least now I go. (Every three freaking months!) And both of my dentists are very nice men who speak to me like they would to a cornered animal. (Smart guys.)
Oh, and this morning? Instead of getting all torture over with while I was there? The Gum Sadist told me I have to come back in a month for my “Three Year Evaluation.”
[He thinks I don’t remember the last one, and the things he did with that wicked metal
cattle dental prod… Oh, I remember all right. I’m like an elephant when it comes to oral health. My memory for dental torture is detailed and long.]
Do you have any phobias that turn you into a white-knuckled mess? Do you adore going to the dentist? Hate the dentist? Enquiring minds love to know these sorts of things here at More Cowbell!