The #Undie Chronicles – Volume VII: Incredible Edibles and #Naughty Knickers for #Men

Last week, over at Natalie Hartford’s blog, she did a truly frightful delightful post on Tights for Dudes (called MantyHose). *shudders* Nat’s Hubby and I had the following conversation:

Jenny Hansen says:

MANTYHOSE!! What a perfect portmanteau…. I love it. And if I ever saw my honey in those things, I’d have to key his legs and run those suckers.

Thanks for the linky love – you know I can never have enough UNDIES!!

Reply

• Hubby aka The Blog Heckler says:

  Waiting for the “edible series” of the Chronicles! LOL!

Would I EVER want to disappoint a Blog Hubby??!

Absolutely not. Put down the beverages, people! We’re starting off this Edible Extravaganza with VIDEO!!

Of course I HAD to go looking for the Incredible Edibles, just to see what’s out there. The answer? A SHOCKING number of online outlets for edibles. Who knew?! (Perhaps Hubby did.)

My Top Two Faves?

• The largest flavor selection was at EdibleUnderwear.org – though I must say I was a bit put off by the title, “Gummy Undies.” (Go on and take a peek. We’ll still be here laughing.)
• Speaking of which, THIS site had me on the floor. It’s called Funny Undies and they have everything you could want from funny undies for the male or female in your life to undies specific to sports like golf. There’s even “Couples Undies” if you want to…um… match your loved one beneath your clothes.

I couldn’t stop laughing over the Trouser Snake…

Whereas my honey couldn’t stop laughing over the 4 Foot Hero…

And don’t even get me started on their “Toucan.” The slogan for those things is “Wanna play with my BIRD?” (I always thought that was slang for the female equipment, thank you very much. I’m so behind… [IYKWIM])

The most surprising discoveries I made?

There is a ginormous amount of Men’s Enhancement Underwear!

The language alone was impressive. Really. Not a nasty word in sight, just a ton of entertaining writing about “male enhancement.” Here’s a sample:

What do you do when you want a little boost in your appearance, down below? The answer, for many men, comes in the form of enhancement underwear.

When it comes to making an impression, men’s enhancement underwear gives your package a look worthy of a standing ovation… and nothing like the sock you used to put in your shorts back in junior high.

Men’s enhancers are the superman of the underwear world.

Warning: None of the links on this LargoDrive site go ANYWHERE. I didn’t find a single pair of male undies in sight. All the links go to females. But the articles are a stitch! Every writer should give the site a quick browse…best written language about male “enhancement” ever.

I was also a bit surprised to see the prevalence of products providing:

• Profile Enhancement (There’s even a brand called COCKSOX! WTH??)
• Butt Boost? By Calvin Klein?? Shut the front door!
• Suspension. Stop it, you crazy underwear makers…STOP IT!

BTW, “suspensories” hold the package up and out whereas jockstraps hold ’em down and in. Think of suspensories (that word makes me giggle uncontrollably) as the “anti-jock.”

I have to admit it: Until this particular foray into the Undie-verse, I had NO IDEA that suspension referred to anything besides cars and bridges. I feel so…educated. (And a little bit dirty.)

Photo from morninglight.us

I’m just going to throw the comments open for a “Free For All” today because nothing else could shock me more than my latest Undie Foray. My retinas are scarred, I tell you. SCARRED!! (FYI: Previous Undie Chronicles can be found here.)

What have you learned in your research lately that made your jaw hit the floor? Enquiring minds always  want to know here at More Cowbell!

Jenny