Some Pregnancy Fears Are Pretty Funny (In Retrospect)…

Welcome back to Risky Baby Business, our Saturday series here at More Cowbell! If you’re new over here, the previous posts in this series can be found here.

Those of you who are regular readers know that the road to pregnancy wasn’t a flowery walk in the park for me. Still, with all that angst, I look back and realize that there were a ton of funny things about the entire process.

Really, high-risk pregnancy makes you neurotic.

You try not to be, but you know you’re dealing with some potentially life and death issues. It’s hard not to go over the top with things like diet and exercise.

One of the strangest things I worried about came from a story one of my BFF’s told me. She’s a great listener so people often tell her ALL their business. She came to me with a pregnancy story that had me on the floor with laughter, even while it scared the bejeezus out of me.

It all started when I read Jenna McCarthy’s Belly Laughs and developed a new worry.

She described her swollen pregnant va-jj as “two blue twinkies cuddling under really bad carpeting.” Certainly, I laughed so hard I tinkled, but I also started nagging my husband to check the aforementioned area every few days to make sure nothing had turned blue.

I was worried about it a very vague sense until my BFF shared the Story of the Lunchtime Stairs. Apparently, a pregnant lady she worked with had an orgasm everytime she climbed stairs. Literally.

They’d be returning from lunch and when her Pregnant Pal climbed the steps to go into the building, every time she lifted her leg, the swollen skin DOWN THERE would spiral her into an orgasm.

I’m sure her husband thought he’d hit the motherlode, but can you imagine how embarrassing this was?

No one wants to be moaning on their way back from lunch with their co-workers (I’m just sayin’). I spent the early part of my pregnancy worrying about how things were looking down in the Va-jj Department, and whether or not my nether-regions were swelling up. Plus I was completely paranoid about stairs.

Did you have irrrational worries when you were pregnant? Things that you were embarrassed about (like the outrageous number of burps that came out of your esophagus)? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things at More Cowbell!

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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9 Responses to Some Pregnancy Fears Are Pretty Funny (In Retrospect)…

  1. ROFL!! I had noooo idea!!! :)))

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I didn’t either, until Alicia told me that story (complete with sound effects). I died laughing but you had to feel sorry for this lady – even walking up the handicap ramp was a little too pleasurable, if you know what I mean.

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  2. I didn’t know about the blue twinkies, either, but the orgasm on the stairs – Oh…My…God!! Truth really is stranger than fiction.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Lara, every time I had to go up stairs, I looked around to make sure I was alone. I might have been a little excited about the idea of “Instant O’s” but I sure didn’t want to do it in front of my co-workers.

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  3. Was your BFF’s friend complaining or bragging?

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Actually, she did neither – she was too busy trying to survive multiple orgasms on her way back into the office building. But she wasn’t real impressed with the whole thing after the first week or so.

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  4. LOL!!! I LOVED Jenny McCarthy’s book…read it after I had my 1st…was probably more funny to read it after having experienced it for myself…might have been a little scary if read beforehand!! LOL!

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Well, I only got one pregnancy and yes, that book spooked me with the blue Twinkies. It made me laugh, but I was constantly after my honey to check me for blue-ness. I don’t know why I thought there was even anything I could do about it, but pregnant ladies don’t always make sense.

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  5. Hilarious! I didn’t have those particular side-effects. I did worry all the time about peeing myself though. I was sure I was going to sneeze, cough or laugh and just pee my pants. I did actually pee a little with a sneeze once *blush*. Oh the joy of pregnancy.😀

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