A Pretty Kitty from FloppyCats.com
Christmas morning at the Hansen House ROCKED!
Last year at this time we were grieving my mother-in-law’s passing and rehabbing a house in one of the rainiest seasons Southern California has ever had.
I cannot describe to you the relief of having all that behind us and waking up Christmas morning with nothing to do but drink caffeinated beverages and enjoy watching Baby Girl learn about Christmas.
Our morning was filled with stockings and Elmo and the Little People. (My brother thought I was talking about midgets! I’m talking about Fisher Price people she can hold in her hand. They sit in buses and slide down tunnels and such. Baby Girl is delighted with the Little People. And wrapping paper and boxes.)
Anyway, one of the things I put in her stocking were band-aids. (I’m a mom! Sue me.) We know we’re going to need them so it’s nice to get boxes with cute pictures so she feels kindly toward them when the Boo-Boo comes.
I got a box of Elmo band-aids because he’s her favorite and a Hello Kitty box because it was cute. So, Baby Girl gets after her stocking like a veteran and she’s shaking this Hello Kitty box like a pair of primo maracas.
Hubby and I started laughing and I’m sipping my first cup of coffee and thinking all is right with the world.
Then HE says: I guess we can be happy it’s the Hello Kitty box and not the Pretty Kitty box, if you know what I mean. I’d be worried.
Me: Say what?? I DON’T know what you mean. What’s the Pretty Kitty box? Are you on crack? (My standard response before two cups of coffee.)
Hubby: You’ve never seen the Pretty Kitty ad? It comes in the mailer, like to our house.
Me: Are you talking about the Death by Advertising rags I throw in the trash?
Hubby: I guess so.
Me: No…I’ve never seen that ad. WHAT is Pretty Kitty?
Hubby: You know…they wax. They do Brazilians and bikinis…stuff like that.
Me: Dude. You don’t even know what a Brazilian is if we’re not talking about a person from South America.
Hubby: Oh, I know what a Brazilian is.
Me: Have you ever had a Brazilian??
Hubby: Um, NO. That would be painful.
Me: Holy Mother of God! You DO know what a Brazilian is! How do you know this?
Hubby: I might have watched pornographic material from time to time.
Me: *snort* So what exactly does a Brazilian look like?
Hubby: A landing strip. You know…on your va-jay-jay.
Me: *long stare* OK, so you know. GOOD FOR YOU. Is this Pretty Kitty really a place? You’re not making it up?
Hubby: It’s a place.
Me: *looking it up on the internet* Holy crap! There’s like EIGHT Pretty Kitty locations. That’s a whole lot of waxing.
Hubby: I guess there’s a lot of kitties being landscaped.
Me: *beady eyes* You’re not suggesting that I need some landscaping…RIGHT??!
Hubby: Not suggesting a thing. Relax. Drink your coffee.
Me: Hmmmm. *chugging caffeine* You know, I have a family blog…I can’t put stuff like Pretty Kitty in.
Hubby: You have the UNDIE CHRONICLES. How can you call this a family blog?
Me: There was nothing explicit in that! No body parts or anything like landing strips.
Hubby: You had TRUNKS! Plus you had the Rowdy Beaver!! And why can’t you have stuff about body parts? Where do they think a family comes from?
Me: Never mind.
Am I the only one who has this sort of conversation before coffee? What was your Christmas like? Did you have innocuous conversation or did your morning go Crazytown like mine? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!
Happy Day after Christmas… 🙂
Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
HA! I am glad you had a wonderful Christmas morning… this reaction::: Me: *long stare* OK, so you know. GOOD FOR YOU. Is this Pretty Kitty really a place? You’re not making it up? :::: cracked me up!
I can relate .. 🙂
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am off to check out this “pretty kitty” website and probably feel like a cave woman.
Great post, Jenny!
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Thanks, Darlene! I hope you loved Pretty Kitty. 🙂 You and Tom (see below) have to come back and give the rest of us a full report.
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OMG, you KNOW I’m at my 82 year old, conservative (in the way only a Texan can be conservative) mother-in-law’s house, right? Just the THOUGHT of landing strips while I’m under her roof makes me snicker (behind my hand, of course.)
I still live in fear she’ll find out that her son and I had SEX once! Okay, more than once, but once would be enough to give her a stroke, so I’m not admitting to more than one.
Needless to say, your Christmas morning was WAY different than mine!
But I had snow — nahner nanner nanner!
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You can keep your snow, my dear. I’ll take the Little Poeple and some California sunshine. 🙂
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Too snorting funny, Jenny!
Baby Girl plays Hello Kitty Band-Aid Maracas while Mommy and Daddy discuss Brazilian landing strips.
I know what a Brazilian is. I did NOT know what a Brazilian blow-out was. SO, about six months ago, the owner of the salon that provides free styling in exchange for me writing promo material includes Brazilian Blow-Out as one of his specials. My mind immediately thought, “does that mean a Brazilian PLUS leg, arm, face, pits, toes, nose? All non-essential body hair?” I needed to know b/c I write a “why you should jump on this offer NOW blurb” for each special.
Sherry didn’t know and suggested I ask the MALE owner. Um. No, thanks. I asked around. Yes. Even at the workout room. Yes. At Starbucks. My sister finally enlightened me. It’s a technique used to tame long, thick, curly HAIR ON THE HEAD. In my own defense…
ERK! I have no good defense.
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*giggle, snort*
(this post has reduced me to a teenage-esque, sniggering mess)
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Yes, but laughter is good for pregnant ladies (though waxing is not)!
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Your Christmas morning sounds an awful lot like mine. The kids STILL get bandaids in their stockings (Hello Kitty or My Little Pony for the girl, Elmo or Pound Puppies for the boy, I’m a sexist bandaider, get over it). Except now, even the kids are in on the conversation because sometimes they know more than mommy. Ugh. Teenagers and young adults!
By the way, Gloria’s reaction to Brazillian Blowout cracked me up. Poor thing! Does it include the toes and nostrils? Brilliant.
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O.M.G. LOVE it! This is totally a conversation hubby and I would have. And let me tell you, whenever he’s asked if I need some landscaping, he would answer with a resounding “hell yes”! Lord give me strength – he’d probably run (not walk) me into a Pretty Kitty if I’d let him. The man is a sick ol’ pervert. Seriously. He needs help. I am NOT a porn star afterall nor do I need to try and look like one. What’s wrong with just keeping the old bikini line neatly trimmed?!?!
Our Christmas was fahhhbulous!! We did have ONE conversation that’ll knock your socks off and is right UP there with the Pretty Kitty convo!! Stay tuned because I will feature it this Wednesday as part of Urban Word Wednesday so you can ONLY imagine!?!?!? LOL!!!
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There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with keeping the line neatly trimmed (instead of yanking out the hair on your privates with hot wax). You tell him to keep all that bushwhackin’ away from your bidness!!
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Your Christmas conversation sounds tame and lovely to my ears. Yesterday my parents recounted the story of accidentally walking in on my 90 year old grandfather, naked. They got a full frontal view and talked about it. Over dinner. Oh yeah, that’s my family.
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90 year old FULL FRONTAL of your parents??! Dang dude. How do you get that visual out of your head? Still, someday we’re all gonna be seeing our parentals nekkid when we take care of them, but that doesn’t mean I’d want to discuss it over dinner.
Poor Emma! I’ll bet you had LOTS of wine. 🙂
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Poor Hansen Hubby – Totally fell for the trickery of female leading questions!
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Yeah, yeah. He shouldn’t have been bringing up landscaping issues (or any others) before coffee. I have a pin that says, “Give the scary lady some coffee!” That’s all I’m saying…
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Parenthood gets really fun when your KIDS start coming home from school asking such questions: “Hey, mom, what’s a Brazilian?” Oh yeah, fun stuff yet to come. 😉 Enjoy the Hello Kitty and Little People world while you can!
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They do NOT! (Really? They do??) Geesh…gonna need to get me some turbo Prozac when all that comes along. 🙂
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Love little people, I’m with Baby Girl! Your conversations sound enlightening, and of course we (umm) never talk about anything like that! (Ok, so yep, we do. And worse than that sometimes. But now my kids are big, so we have to hide in the closet and hope they’re not listening!)
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LOL, Jessica. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when y’all are chatting it up in the closet!
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Wow, Jenny, you guys crack me up. And on Christmas morning! After one of those Brazilian waxes, Rudolph’s nose wouldn’t be the only thing shiny and red, LOL.
Merry Christmas!
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Yeah, no kidding. When I read about the side effects of waxing, I got a little woozy. They’re on crack! In essence they say, “Oh that lil ol’ wax ripping off large strips of hair? Phooey…it’s like a quick pinch.” Sadists.
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Pretty Kitty, hmmm. Instructional video? Better not find out. Got to avoid diversions. Don’t need the pain.
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Tom, I hate to tell you, but I do believe there are a few videos on your site. Don’t hurt yourself, but if you “happen” to view them…I hope you’ll tell us how they are. 🙂
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I think you hubby might have a point – a Brazilian and your famous Undie Chronicals might be a serious mark in a new era of blogging! I mean, think about it…
Uhmmm… Happy New Year 🙂
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I AM thinking about it. Perhaps I can get something going for the New Year…
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ROFL…while I could see such a conversation happening between That Man and me (and for what it’s worth Nat, your guy and my guy sound scary alike!) it couldn’t happen Christmas morning…
All the Who boys woke bright and early and rushed for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
Glad you had a happy Christmas Jenny 🙂
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But, Raelyn, your NOISE sounds like sooo much fun. You guys just text each other while the roar goes on around you, right?
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Sexting at its finest 😀
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Nice, Raelyn! Very nice. But you need to have some Panty-structions to go with that texting. 🙂
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*wiping coffee off keyboard and screen…* – our Christmas morning included Superhero and Dora bandaids in the stockings (grandkids aged 3 and 4) and Hello Kitty p.j.’s but no mention of the “other” Kitty. I can’t wait to hear what the New Year’s Eve chat will be at your house. Keep us laughing, Jenny!
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The band-aids out there rock, eh?? I could NOT believe there were so many different kinds, but then I’m new at all this parenting business. I’m soooo glad you enjoy our chats, Patricia!
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I’ll never look at the Hello Kitty again without thinking of this conversation. You guys are so funny!
Our morning conversation efforts were completely centered on making polite noises while opening gifts.
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I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking of doing some undercover work at Pretty Kitty after reading that website. Dying to see the actual training they mention! 🙂
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Note to self (and others)–this should not be read while also trying to drink anything. Oh the random conversations. This was hilarious 🙂
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Thanks, Marcy. I looked at him and said, “You are soooo bloggable, Honey!”
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Okay, I know you’re gonna snort coffee through your nose when I tell you my first thought of what “pretty kitty” meant. First off, it is 5:40 a.m. when I’m reading this and the coffee is perking (no, my brain isn’t working). I read the pretty kitty and immediately think of the “Big Bang” song that Sheldon has his mother sing to him when he’s sick, which when I look up the lyrics doesn’t actually have pretty kitty in it anywhere, but again, I’m half asleep.
“Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.”
Okay, now when I read what pretty kitty really means, I think about the song and Big Bang, and I’m glad I don’t have a mouthful of coffee. The song fits I suppose, as well as the show title. I’m just sayin’.
Good lord, there is no way I can write this without is sounding perverted in some way, shape, form, or fashion. Another reason that a guy should never talk about these things, because it always eventually goes to hell in an handbasket. I’ll stop now before I dig the hole any deeper. Damn, I did it again. Really stopping this time.
Out.
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My son is wearing his Soft Kitty t-shirt right now! Now I’ve got Penny stuck in my head singing that blasted song. Thanks, Kerry!
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Glad I could help, Tameri.
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