Relationship Question of the Week: Are My Earlobes Growing?

To start your week with a smile, I’m sharing a rather embarrassing conversation between myself and my critique partners, Laura Drake and Sharla Rae (usually known as Writers In The Storm). You know I like to make my pals here at More Cowbell snort their Monday morning coffee whenever possible.

The WITS gals were “away at writing camp” this weekend at our RWA chapter’s 30^th birthday party. Everyone stayed at the Embassy Suites and we “pajama party hopped” throughout the evening. It was a celebration of awesome proportion (read here for details).

Sunday morning three of us gals were sitting around our suite chatting and we started discussing great blogs. I brought up The Bloggess and her coffee-snorting post, It Kind of Feels Like a Hollow Victory. When I read it out loud, the ladies started cracking up over the “smell my eyeballs part” so I shared a conversation my hubby and I had about my earlobes. (Yes, I really am like this all the time).

See, as I’m getting further into my forties, I’m worrying about having things grow and spread out in ways that I might not like. A tiny niggling worry lives in the corner of my brain now, wondering whether I’m still as cute as when he married me, where before that space was inhabited by thoughts of shoes.

Recently, after studying myself in the mirror, I asked my husband whether my earlobes were getting bigger. Having read the above-referenced post by The Bloggess, my husband is in the know about what’s really in the marriage vows. He came over and took a look and swore my ears were just perfect.

Laura’s response: Crap, Jen, why are you worrying about earlobes? Don’t you have enough to worry about? A book to finish? Something?

Me: It was a concern, OK. I even had him give ’em a sniff.

Laura: You had him smell your ears?

Me: Of course. He understands his marital duties. I smelled his too.

Laura looked torn. Finally, she asked: “Well?”

Me: They smelled kinda spicy. Not bad at all. You know, I could never get over the fact that Jason’s ears smelled like peanuts.

Shar and Laura in unison: What?!

I can admit it…I got a teensy bit defensive. I mean, I have “a past.” Anyone who’s been reading More Cowbell for long knows that my friends and I have pretty dismal dating records.

So I said (kinda cranky): Jason. Three hideous ex-boyfriends ago. The one who said “I didn’t validate him.” *that last bit was accompanied by snarky finger quotes* His ears actually smelled like peanuts. Like, all the time. It was distracting.

Laura recovered first: I can’t believe you went around smelling that guy’s ears.

Me: I didn’t set out to smell them. It just happened.

Sharla: How does that “just happen?”

Me: Look, it’s not like I slipped and zigged through a “no fly zone.” One day, I was kissing his neck and I smelled peanuts. I had to find out the source of the peanut smell.”

Laura had her head tilted, staring at me: I can see why you married late.

Me: Eff off.

So, what about you? How prominently does smell figure into your attraction matrix? Are there quirky things in relationships (like peanut ears!) that have made you run away quickly? PLEASE share your thoughts in the comment section. Enquiring minds really want to know.

Happy Monday!
Jenny