Relationship Question of the Week: Are My Earlobes Growing?

To start your week with a smile, I’m sharing a rather embarrassing conversation between myself and my critique partners, Laura Drake and Sharla Rae (usually known as Writers In The Storm). You know I like to make my pals here at More Cowbell snort their Monday morning coffee whenever possible.

The WITS gals were “away at writing camp” this weekend at our RWA chapter’s 30th birthday party. Everyone stayed at the Embassy Suites and we “pajama party hopped” throughout the evening. It was a celebration of awesome proportion (read here for details).

Sunday morning three of us gals were sitting around our suite chatting and we started discussing great blogs. I brought up The Bloggess and her coffee-snorting post, It Kind of Feels Like a Hollow Victory. When I read it out loud, the ladies started cracking up over the “smell my eyeballs part” so I shared a conversation my hubby and I had about my earlobes. (Yes, I really am like this all the time).

See, as I’m getting further into my forties, I’m worrying about having things grow and spread out in ways that I might not like. A tiny niggling worry lives in the corner of my brain now, wondering whether I’m still as cute as when he married me, where before that space was inhabited by thoughts of shoes.

Recently, after studying myself in the mirror, I asked my husband whether my earlobes were getting bigger. Having read the above-referenced post by The Bloggess, my husband is in the know about what’s really in the marriage vows. He came over and took a look and swore my ears were just perfect.

Laura’s response: Crap, Jen, why are you worrying about earlobes? Don’t you have enough to worry about? A book to finish? Something?

Me: It was a concern, OK. I even had him give ’em a sniff.

Laura: You had him smell your ears?

Me: Of course. He understands his marital duties. I smelled his too.

Laura looked torn. Finally, she asked: “Well?”

Me: They smelled kinda spicy. Not bad at all. You know, I could never get over the fact that Jason’s ears smelled like peanuts.

Shar and Laura in unison: What?!

I can admit it…I got a teensy bit defensive. I mean, I have “a past.” Anyone who’s been reading More Cowbell for long knows that my friends and I have pretty dismal dating records.

So I said (kinda cranky): Jason. Three hideous ex-boyfriends ago. The one who said “I didn’t validate him.” *that last bit was accompanied by snarky finger quotes* His ears actually smelled like peanuts. Like, all the time. It was distracting.

Laura recovered first: I can’t believe you went around smelling that guy’s ears.

Me: I didn’t set out to smell them. It just happened.

Sharla: How does that “just happen?”

Me: Look, it’s not like I slipped and zigged through a “no fly zone.” One day, I was kissing his neck and I smelled peanuts. I had to find out the source of the peanut smell.”

Laura had her head tilted, staring at me: I can see why you married late.

Me: Eff off.

So, what about you? How prominently does smell figure into your attraction matrix? Are there quirky things in relationships (like peanut ears!) that have made you run away quickly? PLEASE share your thoughts in the comment section. Enquiring minds really want to know.

Happy Monday!
Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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30 Responses to Relationship Question of the Week: Are My Earlobes Growing?

  1. Laura Drake says:

    Yes people, this happened. And yes, she IS that odd.

    But at least it’s not boring, having Jenny as a friend! How often do you get to think about a compeletely new subject that never ocurred to you before?

    Even if it is . . . ear smells.
    Eeeew.

    Like

  2. Stacy Green says:

    LMAO. You guys crack me up. I’m always complaining about looking old and worrying about things shifting. Especially after loosing weight. Yuck on ear smells. Thankfully my husband has a wonderful natural scent, especially after getting out of the shower. Although I’ve never smelled his ears…

    He likes to try to get me to smell his belly button fuzz. I swear he grows it. That’s one of the downsides to 12+ years of marriage. Your boundaries go away, lol.

    Like

  3. LMAO

    I’m not sure how to respond beyond that. Like Stacy, after 14+ years of marriage, boundaries are gone, but I can’t say I’ve spent much time sniffing That Man, LOL

    Like

  4. Chris Devlin says:

    Hilarious, cheers. I’m trying to figure out how you live with a man and DON’T know how his ears smell. In fact, one of the things that bugged me so much about the movie Face/Off, where Nicolas Cage and John Travolta medically switch faces, is the smell factor. When the one guy has sex with the other guy’s wife and the only thing different about him is his face? It drove me nuts with questions. She didn’t notice this guy didn’t smell like her husband? Or have his voice? Or his penis? Stupid premise. But anyway, I’m worried about my ears growing too.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That bothered me abut Face Off too!!! How do you not notice the difference in the way they stand, speak, smell? And you can’t tell me John Travolta and Nicholas Cage have identical packages. I’m just sayin…

      It’s a good thing it’s the movies and they don’t REALLY see the “cash and prizes.”

      As for the ears, this is one time when I don’t quite believe my honey. Those earlobes are bigger than they were when he met me.

      Like

  5. amyshojai says:

    *SPITTING CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES*

    “Clean-up on aisle 2…oh, and don’t forget to Q-tip the ears.”

    Sheesh. After being married 31 years (yes I am THAT old) I can honestly say I have never sniffed my husband’s ears. But I have sniffed the dog and cat ears…that’s diagnostic, ya know.

    Terminal peanut-itis may be lethal.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Amy,

      You got married when you were 10? You progressive lady you!

      At any rate, I’ll wait while you go check for peanut-itis. Go ahead… Enquiring minds really DO want to know.🙂

      Like

  6. Annie says:

    My favorite line in this hysterical piece is “A tiny niggling worry lives in the corner of my brain now, wondering whether I’m still as cute as when he married me, where before that space was inhabited by thoughts of shoes.” Brilliant! I think as we grow (in all senses) with a partner we have to be prepared to smell earlobes, pluck lint balls, and whatever else is going on. Not sure it’s in the job description, but when the boundaries fly out the window, that’s what’s left. Great post!

    Like

  7. Jillian Dodd - Glitter, Bliss and Perfect Chaos says:

    I’m big on smell. I swear half the reason I married my husband is because he always smells so good. It’s not even his cologne, it’s just him.

    Like

  8. Ha!!! Peanut ears. While I’ve been fortunate to escape those, I have to say that overall smell is a huge factor. I’d settle for just a clean smell. My 16 year old is into the “man spray” thing and he so over-does it. I keep telling him he is at grave risk of turning girls off, but he insists not. I guess they’re just at that stage when nothing matters. Their raging hormones must be masking their sense of smell. But at my age, newly single, I’m going to be picky on the next round. Okay, must smell good – check. Next…he has to be a good kisser. No compromising there. I just had a baaaaaadddd experience in that department. I couldn’t even get past that to decide if he smelled good or not. I should blog about that, but then he reads them. *palm face*

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I want to see a kissing blog!! That’s a definite must-have area and I have to give credit where it’s due. Peanut-ears could smooch…that’s probably why I put up with the distracting smell for so long.

      Like

  9. Oh, goodness – that had me laughing!!! Although, I had read an article years ago about how it’s our sense of smell that helps us “choose a mate”. Not quite “pheromones” (and none of those trendy, stupid perfumes/colonges work – honestly!) but just being attracted to the basic smell of a person tends to signal your compatibility. At least, that’s what the article claimed!

    I love how my man smells, with or without the aftershave. Actually, sometimes it’s more difficult when he’s put cologne on and doesn’t “smell right”. No particular difference about the smell of his ears, though. Might have to try that…

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Carlee,

      Everybody needs a good laugh on a Monday morning. I’m happy to provide you with yours.🙂

      I’m with you on the “smell of my man” thing – I don’t like him to put anything on that disguises HIM.

      Like

  10. Jenny, you are hilarious. Like Amy, I’m very progressive and married at 9 — I’ve been married 32 years — and yes things are a little saggy in certain places — and yes I worry — but now I have to worry about my ear lobes too? Out of the mouths of babes.

    Trouble, that’s what you are. LOL

    Like

  11. Sharla Rae says:

    Shar here and I agree with Laura as the conversation really was this “nuts.” But then that’s nothing new with our crit gang. Nothing, and I do mean nothing is sacred! LOL

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Pfft. We just like to gab. And you tell that Laura, I married late because I hadn’t met THE ONE yet. I was too busy with the pitiful “You don’t validate me!” morons.

      Thanks for the fun weekend, Shar!

      Like

  12. Catie Rhodes says:

    So we’re kinda talking about age, right? When I was young lass, I loved perfume. I spent a fortune on bath and body, cologne, air fresheners…you name it. In my mid-30s, I developed an allergy to…perfume. When it comes to scents, I like my man scentless. The latest? His deodorant, which is that ocean scent, is making me sneeze. I’m going to have to find something that is perfume-less.

    Getting old sucks, doesn’t it? Did you know your ears and nose keep growing you entire life. 😉

    Like

  13. Lena Corazon says:

    Hahaha. Oh god, this is absolutely hilarious. I sadly have one split earlobe (the unfortunate byproduct of loving gigantic earrings that are way too heavy).

    I don’t know about peanut-scented earlobes, but I will say that I’ve got this *thing* about guys who smell good. Like, a man who is well-scented can pretty much override my judgement, and cause me to do things that I’ll probably regret. There was one guy who I kept around way longer than I should’ve, and this is in part because he smelled soooo good. I actually went hunting around his bathroom one day, determined to find the source of this fragrance, because there was no WAY he could’ve smelled that good naturally, and I had this idea that if only I could find the amazing smell’s source, I would break the spell he had on me. I didn’t turn up much beyond a bar of Irish Spring (not the culprit), and to this day, it remains a mystery.😛

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      The nice thing, Lena, is that if you ever decide to get that fixed I’m pretty sure your earlobes don’t grow any more.🙂

      I’m totally with you on a man who smells fabulous. Back in the day, I’d keep them around a bit longer just to give them a sniff. Ditto to kicking them to curb faster if they smell freaky.

      Except for the dude with the peanut ears, but he had blow-your-mind kissing in his favor.

      Like

  14. My husband has really nice calves. I have always liked the way his lower extremities looked in shorts🙂
    When we were dating he worked in his parents’ Italian restaurant and always smelled like fresh baked italian bread. I could cuddle up under his chin and smell heaven on his neck. At that moment I fell in love.
    And he has cute dimples behind his ear lobes, but no distinct aroma to them. I love him to bits🙂

    Like

  15. Jenny, I totally understand the ‘smell’ thing. Although I have to admit I’ve never wanted to smell his eyeballs or vice versa until I too read The Bloggess. Then I asked my husband what he thought it about it. We both agreed our eyeballs probably didn’t have an odor but our noses probably did because of all the smells we inhale. That’s as far as it went because he has a mustache and I’m just not that brave.

    When we were dating, my husband always smelled like vanilla and popcorn butter. I loved to cuddle up with him and inhale. He was delicious.

    Like

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