A few weeks back, I took the names off all the entries and sent them on over to Naked Editor for a gander.
Note: Did you notice that “chicken word?” That’s my nod to yesterday’s post on the crazy habits of chickens. (Still getting over the “gang bang” thing!)
Anyway, Naked Editor (Tiffany Lawson Inman) gawked in amazement at your Dirty Fighting and writing prowess and made the final decision.
There was a really awful moment in Colorado yesterday evening. It involved a flash drive and a non-saving moment of file transferring HELL. Rather than make you wait, I’m dividing this post into two parts:
Part 1 – An announcement of the three winners with my summary of the Dirty Fighting technique they used. 🙂 Click here to refresh yourself on all 23 techniques.
Part 2 – Tiffany’s fine-tooth analysis of how to pump up the action in the three winning entries will be posted on Thursday.
Thank you to everyone who entered. You humbled me with your talent. Without further ado…
The Top 3 Dirty Fights!
Gloria Richard – 153 words
Dirty Fighting Techniques used: Labeling, Using Sarcasm…I could make an argument for Escalating as well. Great job, Gloria!
Molly’s stiff posture, mumbled self-talk, and fist-to-splayed-hand reps screamed dread.
Greed trumped dread. She pulled the ring from the corpse.
Jake crossed the room and stopped, blocking her path to the door.
Molly turned. “What are you doing here?”
“Witnessing a felony?”
“Oh, that’s rich—a virtuous stalker. A trespassing, lying, Oreo-snitching, lecherous stalker.”
“Give me the ring.”
Jake lifted her by her waist, turned, and plunked her butt on a pool table. He moved between her legs—keeping his home plate clear of her knee’s strike zone.
Molly glared, glanced down. When her gaze returned to his face, her lips parted. He felt her foot caress his leg, inching upward. She tilted her head up, exposing the soft curve below her ear.
He closed his eyes, groaned. It was hard not to. Everything was hard.
Jake opened his eyes and witnessed her pop the ring into her mouth and swallow.
How can you not love an entry that ends on the word “swallow???” I do think this scene would be more powerful without the first sentence, but I’ll leave those final edits to Gloria. (I’d have started with “Greed trumped dread.”)
For more Gloria, go visit her blog at http://gloriarichard.wordpress.com/.
Laura Drake – 149 Words
Dirty Fighting Techniques used: Brown-Bagging, Crucializing, Escalating, Pulling Rank, Playing the Martyr. I could argue for Labeling as well.
“You didn’t cut the grass. Again.” She looked down her nose as if I were something brown. And odorific.
“Jesus, Jess, why don’t you come out with what’s really bugging you?” If eye-rolling and hair flipping were an Olympic sport, Jess’d be golden.
“I wouldn’t expect a guy who hasn’t worked in a year to understand how a hard it is, on your feet, doing hair all day.”
“Oh yeah, my writing doesn’t count. I’m trying to make a difference in the world, Jess. I hardly think listening to the housewives of Orange County bitch –”
Her eyes narrowed to slits of glittering hatred. “Get. Out.” She pointed a carmine talon at the door. “Go play starving artist somewhere else.”
I hit the door and kept going. “You’ll be sorry when I’m famous.”
But not as sorry when she saw the candlelit dinner on the dining room table.
More of Laura’s writing can be found at Writers In The Storm.
Lena Corazon (aka Jamila Jamison) – 151 Words
Dirty Fighting Techniques used: Labeling, Cross-Complaining, Personalizing. I could also make a good argument for Self-Righteousness. 🙂
“The killer’s been sending you warnings?” Adam’s face was thunderous. “Tempest, when were you planning to tell me?”
Her shoulders tensed. “It’s none of your business.”
“The hell it is. Here I am, risking my badge to catch the man who’s after you, and you’re withholding vital information. Are you crazy?”
“Listen, I never asked for your help. You marched in here, full of talk about honor and justice and your bullshit conscience. This isn’t your fight.”
“Women are being killed on my watch!”
“And I’m the one who’s in danger, not you. I’ve been in this hellhole for three years. Don’t try to tell me what’s at stake.”
“I swore to protect you —”
“You’re nothing but a damned cop. You’ll never understand what we go through.” Her voice dripped with contempt. “You’re part of the problem.”
He recoiled, stung. “You said you trusted me.”
“Not anymore, Adam. We’re finished.”
For more of Lena’s writing go to http://lenacorazon.com/.
As I said before, the final three entries were picked by CONTEST JUDGE, Tiffany Lawson Inman – NakedEditor.
Tiffany is none other than Margie Lawson’s daughter! I’m here to tell you she’s got just as much energy revving her jets as our beloved Margie. Maybe even a tiny bit more. For the naked truth about our esteemed contest judge, click here.
In Part 2 of this post, Tiffany will take the above three entries and do an on-screen edit of how to give them even more punch. It’s awesome…I can’t wait for you to see it.
The GRAND PRIZE for all three of these winners is:
- Free 1st Five Page Edit
- Free Registration for her class in October: http://bit.ly/TripleThreatBehindStagingA_Scene at Lawson Writer’s Academy.
Last but not least, don’t forget that between now and September, anyone who comments or subscribes to More Cowbell gets their name in the hat for one of my two Life List Club Milestone prizes (that would be an interview here or a guest post on their site). Plus, if you’re a subscriber, Part 2 of this post will come right to your happy little inbox.
What are some of your favorite lines from the above three winning entries? Do you see any Dirty Fighting Techniques that I missed? Enquiring minds always want to know here at More Cowbell!
REMINDER: Don’t forget to drop by tomorrow for details on the Rockin’ the Row Twitter party that’s in the works for next week!