If Humans Had To Date Like Dogs

You look familiar to me...have we met before?

Several people asked me more questions about my Friday post about my dog, Hoshi, and what she taught me in her 14.5 years. Lesson #1 in particular got a lot of comments:

1) 50 New Smells A Day

It’s said that dogs need to get fifty new smells a day to stay psychologically alert and happy. Those daily walks are your dog’s version of reading the paper. I know it looks like they’re sniffing every bush, light pole and dog booty on the block “just because” but in reality what they’re doing is “filling the well.”

As most of you have probably surmised, a dog’s sense of smell kicks ass over a human’s. Amy Shojai (of the fantastic site Bling, Bitches & Blood – which talks about animal grooviness and shiny-awesome writing know-how) could tell you much more about this. But just for the rest of us trying to imagine it, dogs smell up to 10,000 times better than we do

That’s a whole lot of smellin’…

My girlfriend Alicia (who you might remember from the “You seem kinda frigid” date) read the blog about Hoshi and called me up to talk about it yesterday. The conversation went something like this:

Alicia: Saw your post about our girl Hoshi!

Me: I know. It made me miss her all over again.

Alicia: You’re on a roll…my date and Hoshi-Moshi — all in the same week.


Alicia: Can you imagine if we had to date like dogs?

Me: Excuse me?

Alicia: Seriously. Think about if we were out in a bar and we had to greet each other like dogs.

Me: You mean sniff each other’s butts?

Alicia: Well, yeah. Or other things. How embarrassing would that be?

Me: Boo-Boo, you’ve gotta lay off the vodka.

Alicia: Get off me, lady! It’s 9:30 in the morning. I’m just sayin…I read the post and it got me thinking.

[Another pause while we both pondered the changes to the dating universe.]

Me: Wouldn’t it suck to not get to share your secret stuff in your own time? I mean what’s the point of even having dates if they can just give you a sniff and get all the info? There goes “mystique,” right out the doggie door.

Alicia: That’s what I’m talking about. Remember the comment you wrote?

Me: Huh? I was hurling that day. All memories are dim.

Alicia: The one about Bruiser getting snipped.

Me: What?!

Alicia: Dang, Jen, you don’t even remember what you wrote?

[Rather than repeat what I said, which was quite profane, I’ve put the comment she’s referring to below (from me to Sonia Madeiros). I went and opened the blog so I’d know what she was talking about. I had the stomach flu on Friday.]

Yep, Sonia…[smelling’s] how [dogs] pick up all the neighborhood gossip, which goes something like this:

“Oh, HI!! Did you know FiFi’s people put her on a diet?”
“Yeah, well Bruiser got snipped!”
“Oh, yeah. If you thought he was a humping machine BEFORE…”

Alicia and I went on for another 15 minutes, choking with laughter over scenarios for embarrassing moments we’d have if we had to date like dogs. You can bet there will be a post on that in the near future. But enough about us.

What kind of moments can you envision? I’d love to hear your version of what the world would be like if humans had to date like dogs. You know enquiring minds always want to know these sorts of things here at More Cowbell. (Especially on a Monday morning after such a somber weekend when we need a good laugh.)

As Chuck Wendig would say: You. Comments. Go! 🙂

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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13 Responses to If Humans Had To Date Like Dogs

  1. Catie Rhodes says:

    That would be sort of funny. And wouldn’t it be great if were appropriate to growl at the people you didn’t like? Wait. I do that anyway. And we’d certainly be a lot better looking if we were dogs.

    Fun post. You made made me grin.


  2. amyshojai says:

    Oh yeah and rather than kicking sand in Pee Wees face he’d get Pee Wee’d on and be rolling on his back, LOL! GREAT post, I am SO sharing this!


  3. Sherry Isaac says:

    Date? What date? We’d get down to business in the doggie park then go play catch.

    What I really wonder is what would happen to the romance publishing market if we dated like dogs. I’d so be out of a job.


  4. Lena Corazon says:

    This made me laugh SO hard. Actually, I’d like to think that life would be like 101 Dalmatians, with Pongo and Perdie frolicking together in the park and playing matchmaker for their human companions.


  5. Hehe nice post. So, butt perfumes? “Keep your butt smelling minty fresh all day!” and “One spritz will make your man run in circles!” >.>



  6. catwoods says:

    I choose to let sleeping dies lie in regards to that. Dating as a human is hard enough. If I had to scratch and sniff my way through the mating process…ugh!


  7. Lady and the Tramp? That was a cute movie. 🙂


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