The Most Important Thing To Know About Getting Pregnant

Welcome to Risky Baby Business! In an earlier post, we talked about how high-risk pregnancy offers different mental challenges than a normal pregnancy. Last week we discussed the most important thing to know if you are pregnant.

This week, we’re going to talk about the process of “getting there.” Yes, there are women who think about being pregnant and, boom, it happens. But it sure doesn’t happen like that for most of the women I know. Most of the women I know have to climb Baby Mountain.

Those lucky couples who don’t have to work very hard to conceive have very little concept of what the journey up Baby Mountain is like.

Think about how exhausting it is to claw your way up the same path, month after month, test after test, treatment after treatment. Not only is Baby Mountain stressful (at best) for most women, it is demoralizing and destructive. They begin to feel like less of a woman by having to work so hard at something that seems easy for others.

A lot of high-risk pregnancies start with a whole lot of work. When conception entails work, it’s really hard to keep the romance part of baby-making alive.

Couples who must work hard to get pregnant go through an emotional see-saw of hope and death every month. There is the hope in the back of their minds every time they have sex that this time they scored in the Baby-Making Olympics, then the death of the dream as the woman’s cycle begins.

This is followed by a fresh hope that perhaps this isn’t a real cycle but rather a “spotting cycle,” a fake-out from the body as it begins to grow a baby.

The temperature taking, the ovulation kit buying, the pregnancy testing — and the irrational anger and frustration when none of it works — is hard to describe to someone that who hasn’t been through it.

In this day and age of technology and the illusion of control over our bodies, it is easy to forget that conception is a miracle best allowed to proceed mostly on its own. You can only control the amount of stress you feel about it.

Stress and worry are one of the leading causes of infertility. As hard as it is to do, you must CHILL OUT if you wish to get to the baby-making. It’s not a 100% guarantee, but it will help. If there is no medical reason why you’re not conceiving, the easiest thing to try is this:

Climb off Baby Mountain and have lots of strategic sex.

What is strategic sex, you ask?

  • It is the kind of sex that makes a baby! It is a known fact that you get more bang for well, um, your bang if you only have sex every other day.
  • It is also a known fact (to the doctors, not to the patients) that fertilization typically happens in the Fallopian tube. 
  • Last but not least is the key fact (that I didn’t know when I started up Baby Mountain) – sperm stays alive in the Fallopian tube for an average of 2 days.

That last key point is a pretty big deal and none of the mom’s I spoke with knew this, especially the ones with three kids. I’ve discovered, at least in my circle, that very few third child pregnancies were planned. (Simmer down, third children…I didn’t say unwanted, I said unplanned).

Mother after mother said “we were using the rhythm method” or “we didn’t have sex when I was ovulating.”  Across the board, the majority of the women I spoke with regarding conception who had three children “didn’t know how it happened.”

I know how it happened.

They got their unprotected groove on 1-3 days before they conceived, back in their “safe” time. That sperm was camped out at the top of the Fallopian tube with its catcher’s mitt when their egg popped out for the month. Exactly the way YOU want yours to be.

You don’t want to wait until you ovulate to have baby-making sex, you want to get your fertilizing hanky-panky in BEFORE you ovulate.

Ideally, your schedule should look like this:

Day 1: Stupendous hang-from-the-rafters sex
Day 2: Everyone recovers and thinks about doing it again
Day 3: First day of potential ovulation / More baby-making sex
Day 4: Think happy thoughts
Day 5: Repeat

With the above schedule, whether you ovulate early, on time or a day late, your partner’s sperm are in place, lined up with their catcher’s mitts to penetrate that egg and get to baby growing.

One of the advantages to focusing on having stupendous hang-from-the-rafters sex is that it produces happy, relaxed chemicals in the baby incubator (that’s you, Mom). Happy incubators have been proven to make more babies than stressed out, obsessing, rabid temperature-taking incubators.

You keep hearing about lowering your stress levels here at Risky Baby Business, and with good reason. If you lower your stress, you raise your chances of making a baby. It’s just that simple.

Did you know about the baby-making schedule? Do you have any conception “secrets” you’d like to share?



Doron Ofir Casting is looking for expectant mothers in their second trimester for a new documentary series about the journey to motherhood in the city of Los Angeles. 

This new series celebrates the adventure from your point of view. Take us on your journey through the sometimes irrational, decidedly demanding, high maintenance wonderment of pregnancy. Share the miracle of your body taking you to places you never thought it would; the lower back pains, mood swings, cravings, exhaustion and new-found appetites. 

If you are at the end of your first or into your second trimester and within 40 miles of the greater Los Angeles area, you could be eligible to star in a new exciting series that celebrates the roller coaster ride of pregnancy. Email or click here for more information.

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
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13 Responses to The Most Important Thing To Know About Getting Pregnant

  1. Pingback: The Most Important Thing To Know About Pregnancy | Jenny Hansen's Blog

  2. Laura Drake says:

    Wow, Jenny, most of this was news to me. You can get PG when you don’t think you can? Are they teaching that in sex education? From the teen birth-rate percentages, I’d bet not.

    Good luck to everyone on the mountain – may you soon stand at the summit!


  3. My BFF’s 3rd baby was not planned….I definitely believe your pattern. I’ve had two close friends try and try for #1, and one even gave up and went to a fertility specialist to only learn at their 1st appointment that they were already pregnant. Both friends who struggled the first time, had no problems the second time….

    I do love your new series, Jenny!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      We got Baby Girl when we gave up and climbed off Baby Mountain. And this was after being told that my eggs were only 6% viable and we needed to give it up. There’s a lot to be said for embracing your Zen.

      And I’m so glad you’re enjoying the Saturday baby blogs!


  4. You probably don’t need comments from a male, so I won’t put my foot in my mouth. Y’all figure this one out for yourselves.


  5. Well, Jenny emailed me and said I should have given an opinion. Two things: First, quit trying. Yep, quit trying. You both get so uptight trying to have a baby you can’t, and in the process you take a chance on ruining what may have been a pretty good sex life. Secondly, have your husband wear boxers. My only child was conceived while I was in the army wearing GI-issue boxers. I learned later that briefs (incl bikini, etc.) keep the sperm overheated and less potent.

    There. I’ve said it.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yes I did email you because we needed a dude perspective!! Thanks, David! So along with those fancy boxers, were you away alot? Because that day or two of rest makes all the difference. 🙂


  6. Sometimes, hormones could be a problem, too. Like my aunt. She tried so hard to get pregnant (think years) but we came from a family that had hormonal problems. Hence, the fertility treatment but it works. 🙂 I now have a baby cousin from her.


  7. It’s amazing. So folks spend so much time worrying about not getting pregnant that it seems like it must be ridiculously easy to get pregnant. Sadly, that’s not the case for everyone. It’s never been easy for us. At the moment, we’re stilly hoping for #3 (*ahem* after more than 4 years of trying).

    It’s true that spermies can live a looong time. However, they also need the right environment. They have a super difficult time living more than a couple of hours without the proper cervical fluid environment. Sperm really like swimming around in *ahem* egg-white consistency cervical fluid. It’s their happy place. Cervical fluid that’s too thick or absent is rather hostil to sperm. That’s one of the reasons why a woman who ovulates every month and has perfectly timed sex can still not get pregnant. If there’s no high quality CF, it’s so difficult to conceive. Some women have several days of this egg-white CF (giving them many more opportunities to conceive) and some may only have half a day. It’s the EWCF you want to aim for if you’re trying to conceive and avoid if you don’t.

    There is a pretty reliable way to use a woman’s body rhythms for birth control, but you really have to know what you’re doing. The rhythm method only works for women who are super regular (and just because a woman has a 28 day cycle does NOT mean she ovulates on Day 14). What works is the sympto-thermal method. This takes into account a woman’s pattern of CF (usually starting out dry right after the menstrual cycle and getting progressively thinner and more slippery as she moves toward ovulation). Temperature is also taken to confirm ovulation because basal body temp rises after ovulation (so, docs who tell women to look for the rise in temp to have baby-making sex are often giving bad advice…the egg has already hatched and may be dead by the time the temp goes up). Three days after ovulation is confirmed, it’s almost a guarantee that sex won’t produce a baby. Of course, as with any method, there’s a failure rate (about on par with the pill when used correctly, I believe).

    Whew. Long comment. Sorry! It’s a topic that interests me a lot.


    • Jenny Hansen says:


      When I was reading this earlier this morning, I kept thinking, “Guest post! Guest post!” This is GREAT stuff, and one of the reasons why I started this column. I want people to be adding topics like this.

      Thank you!


  8. Pingback: Risky Baby Business – Question #1: Are You Sure There’s A Baby In There? | Jenny Hansen's Blog

  9. Pingback: 5 Things That Eased My Mind During The Climb Up “Baby Mountain” | Jenny Hansen's Blog

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