Dating Nightmare of the Week: “You Seem Kinda Frigid…”

Happy September, everybody! Friday is always about love here at More Cowbell. Whatever form that takes…

THIS Friday we’re back to the Triple D series, which usually stands for Disastrous Dating Don’ts. Most of these posts can be found under the Dating for Dummies category in the right sidebar.

Plus, there’s a contest update at the bottom of this post! Y’all are busy getting your 150 words together for the Dirty Fighting Mini-contest, right?

My single friends have given us hours of entertainment here on More Cowbell and spawned blog titles like:

• A Tool-Tilting Cup of Coffee
• When Dates Should Come With a Warning Label
• Embarrassing Dating Moments #1: She Pees In the Woods!

Although my friends are pretty funny, I’ve come to the conclusion that these “laugh-or-you’ll-start-crying” experiences are not about them. I’m starting to believe, as they do, that the current dating pool (at least in Southern California) is looking more like a cesspool.

I am still shocked at the statement uttered to my pal, Alicia, while she was out with a man. You see the title of this post so you already know where the conversation ended up. “You seem kinda frigid to me” has ushered in a new low point of Disastrous Dating Don’ts.

I don’t know why it amazes me SO much that someone would say that to her, but it really does. I mean, don’t we all try to bring our “A-Game” to a date? Dress up a little. Comb our hair. Check our teeth for debris. ACT NICE! Am I alone on this one?

My Cowbell Posse is made up of some of the best peeps around and I value your opinion. So I ask you, would you continue a date where someone whipped out a line like  that? (Or would you drop-kick the person back to their car?)

We’re going to dissect this date a little so that others may learn from this Disastrous Dating Debacle.

#1 – Alicia met this prize specimen on Match.com. (He was also on Plenty of Fish.) She’s been on those and on eHarmony, as have a ton of my friends.

Though I have seen a few wildly successful couples get together via online dating, the consensus from most of my friends is that it is hard to meet quality people online. They feel like it is the “lazy man’s way to date.” (Please do weigh in on this in the comments.)

#2 – Their first date was a movie date.

This is by and large a huge no-no because:

a)   You don’t get to talk during the movie (unless you want people like me to shush you rather forcefully.)

b)   The armrest. If he hogs it or grabs me with sweaty hands, he’s killed the romance before we’ve had 20 minutes together. And don’t even try that icky finger-up-the-middle-of-the-palm thing on the first date. Hands are sexy and you don’t have permission to sex me up yet, Mr. First Date. I’m just sayin’…

c)   Movie food. If you’re going to spend $5 on a beverage, my frugal nature wants
something more than a Diet Coke in my hand. I want a a beer, or a Margarita for those prices. At least give me a fru-fru latte.

You remember when we talked about the elements of a great date, right? The elements in a really good date are:

1. Well planned
2. Rich in variety
3. Full of conversation
4. Shouldn’t be pricy.

Looking at this list, you can see where a movie on the first date is nearly always a bad idea.

So back to the heinous “Frigid Man” (his nickname from now until forever)…I’m going to share this dirty, filthy dialog with you in the hopes that it will jog your muse for those Contest Entries you’re working on. I’ll even provide commentary along the way.

After the movie (which he talked all the way through), Frigid Man asks, “So what do you want to do now?”

Alicia says: “There’s a Starbucks near here. We can go get some coffee.”
“I don’t like Starbucks,” he answered. “Starbucks is too expensive.”

Trapped by good manners, Alica asked, “What would you like to do?”
“Let’s go have a drink. I saw a Macaroni Grill down the street.”
She agreed but requested they take separate cars.

When they arrived at the restaurant, he said, “I don’t want to have dinner. Let’s sit in the bar.”

“Fine,” she said and tried not to cringe when he yelled out, “Garçon” and waved the bartender over. While they waited for said bartender to work his way to them, Frigid Man said, “I hope he brings some chips and salsa. I’m hungry.”

“I don’t think they have chips and salsa here.”

“What kind of Mexican restaurant doesn’t have chips and salsa?”

Oh hell, thought Alicia. I have GOT to get home. “This is an Italian restaurant.”

“You don’t have chips and salsa?” He asked the bartender when he approached them, then bitched when “all he could get was bread.”

Alicia was starting to feel a little bitchy herself and began her calculations to bring the date to a close. She promised herself she’d go after one drink and ordered a glass of wine. When the bartender poured a generous portion, she sighed with relief. She was gonna need it.

Frigid Man began arguing with her before the bartender was three feet away. “Why didn’t you get Chardonnay if you want to drink white wine.”

“I like Sauvignon Blanc.”

“But Chardonnay goes better with this bread.”

“Really? What makes you think that?” She fought to keep a straight face and downed a big slug of her drink.

He looked down his nose at her. “I read it some place.” Picking up the folder that contained the drink list, he flipped to the page that detailed the wine. “Lookee here, they have Gnarly Head Chardonnay and Kendall Jackson. Maybe you should get one of those  instead.

Alicia stared pointedly at her glass that was already half empty and said, “I’m fine.”
In response, Frigid Man waved his hand toward the bartender again. “Garçon!”
She snapped and yanked his arm down. “Please stop. I said I was fine.”

He looked down at her hand, then back up at her. “Maybe you need another drink,” he spaced his words out evenly. “Because you seem kind of frigid to me.”

Alicia dropped a ten dollar bill on the bar and stood. “Thank you for the movies,” she said and began moving toward the Exit. Something made her glance back when she was almost at the door. Frigid Man was sampling her wine.

The entire date was an Epic Fail (obviously). I told her she was nicer than me…I’d have had to cut him loose after he talked all the way through the movie. Certainly I’d have been contemplating violence at the very first “Garçon!” By the time he told me what to order, I’d likely have been deciding where I’d hide the body.

What are your thoughts about online dating? Have you or your friends tried online dating? Were the results positive or negative? Do you have any advice for Alicia? Enquiring minds always want to know here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

Contest update:

The winner of the Commenting Contest is Amy Shojai. Amy, please let me know if it is OK to release your email to Tiffany (NakedEditor). Either way, you have won a seat in her October class at the Lawson Writer’s Academy.

Entries for the Dirty Fighting mini-contest are starting to roll in. The rules are below:

Between now and midnight on 9/6, if you send me the following, I will work with Tiffany to pick the Top 3 and put them in a post here on More Cowbell.

Rules:

• Send a short scene, maximum 150 words (if you need 155 to finish the sentence, I’m not gonna ding you, I promise) to JennyHansensMail (AT) aol (DOT) com.
• Your scene may contain a sentence at the top telling us what the fight is about though it will be included in your wordcount. (We really just want the fight. )
• In your short scene, illustrate one or more of the classic Dirty Fighting techniques. If you choose to name the technique(s) you are going for by number, this will not detract from your count.

You can use this to work out some dialog for your WIP or just use practice characters for your conversations. If you just can not come up with your own scene, you may sub in one from your favorite author.

Tiffany Lawson Inman (NakedEditor) will take the winning three entries and do an on-screen edit of how to give them even more punch. (We’re gonna have so much fun!) Her analysis of the winning entries will be the Techie Tuesday post here on More Cowbell on September 20th!

GRAND PRIZE is: Free 1st Five Page Edit or Free Registration for her class in October:  http://bit.ly/TripleThreatBehindStagingA_Scene hosted by Lawson Writer’s Academy.

Good luck!