Dating Nightmare of the Week: “You Seem Kinda Frigid…”

Happy September, everybody! Friday is always about love here at More Cowbell. Whatever form that takes…

THIS Friday we’re back to the Triple D series, which usually stands for Disastrous Dating Don’ts. Most of these posts can be found under the Dating for Dummies category in the right sidebar.

Plus, there’s a contest update at the bottom of this post! Y’all are busy getting your 150 words together for the Dirty Fighting Mini-contest, right?

My single friends have given us hours of entertainment here on More Cowbell and spawned blog titles like:

Although my friends are pretty funny, I’ve come to the conclusion that these “laugh-or-you’ll-start-crying” experiences are not about them. I’m starting to believe, as they do, that the current dating pool (at least in Southern California) is looking more like a cesspool.

I am still shocked at the statement uttered to my pal, Alicia, while she was out with a man. You see the title of this post so you already know where the conversation ended up. “You seem kinda frigid to me” has ushered in a new low point of Disastrous Dating Don’ts.

I don’t know why it amazes me SO much that someone would say that to her, but it really does. I mean, don’t we all try to bring our “A-Game” to a date? Dress up a little. Comb our hair. Check our teeth for debris. ACT NICE! Am I alone on this one?

My Cowbell Posse is made up of some of the best peeps around and I value your opinion. So I ask you, would you continue a date where someone whipped out a line like  that? (Or would you drop-kick the person back to their car?)

We’re going to dissect this date a little so that others may learn from this Disastrous Dating Debacle.

#1 – Alicia met this prize specimen on Match.com. (He was also on Plenty of Fish.) She’s been on those and on eHarmony, as have a ton of my friends.

Though I have seen a few wildly successful couples get together via online dating, the consensus from most of my friends is that it is hard to meet quality people online. They feel like it is the “lazy man’s way to date.” (Please do weigh in on this in the comments.)

#2 – Their first date was a movie date.

This is by and large a huge no-no because:

a)   You don’t get to talk during the movie (unless you want people like me to shush you rather forcefully.)

b)   The armrest. If he hogs it or grabs me with sweaty hands, he’s killed the romance before we’ve had 20 minutes together. And don’t even try that icky finger-up-the-middle-of-the-palm thing on the first date. Hands are sexy and you don’t have permission to sex me up yet, Mr. First Date. I’m just sayin’…

c)   Movie food. If you’re going to spend $5 on a beverage, my frugal nature wants
something more than a Diet Coke in my hand. I want a a beer, or a Margarita for those prices. At least give me a fru-fru latte.

You remember when we talked about the elements of a great date, right? The elements in a really good date are:

  1. Well planned
  2. Rich in variety
  3. Full of conversation
  4. Shouldn’t be pricy.

Looking at this list, you can see where a movie on the first date is nearly always a bad idea.

So back to the heinous “Frigid Man” (his nickname from now until forever)…I’m going to share this dirty, filthy dialog with you in the hopes that it will jog your muse for those Contest Entries you’re working on. I’ll even provide commentary along the way.

After the movie (which he talked all the way through), Frigid Man asks, “So what do you want to do now?”

Alicia says: “There’s a Starbucks near here. We can go get some coffee.”
“I don’t like Starbucks,” he answered. “Starbucks is too expensive.”

Trapped by good manners, Alica asked, “What would you like to do?”
“Let’s go have a drink. I saw a Macaroni Grill down the street.”
She agreed but requested they take separate cars.

When they arrived at the restaurant, he said, “I don’t want to have dinner. Let’s sit in the bar.”

“Fine,” she said and tried not to cringe when he yelled out, “Garçon” and waved the bartender over. While they waited for said bartender to work his way to them, Frigid Man said, “I hope he brings some chips and salsa. I’m hungry.”

“I don’t think they have chips and salsa here.”

“What kind of Mexican restaurant doesn’t have chips and salsa?”

Oh hell, thought Alicia. I have GOT to get home. “This is an Italian restaurant.”

“You don’t have chips and salsa?” He asked the bartender when he approached them, then bitched when “all he could get was bread.”

Alicia was starting to feel a little bitchy herself and began her calculations to bring the date to a close. She promised herself she’d go after one drink and ordered a glass of wine. When the bartender poured a generous portion, she sighed with relief. She was gonna need it.

Frigid Man began arguing with her before the bartender was three feet away. “Why didn’t you get Chardonnay if you want to drink white wine.”

“I like Sauvignon Blanc.”

“But Chardonnay goes better with this bread.”

Really? What makes you think that?” She fought to keep a straight face and downed a big slug of her drink.

He looked down his nose at her. “I read it some place.” Picking up the folder that contained the drink list, he flipped to the page that detailed the wine. “Lookee here, they have Gnarly Head Chardonnay and Kendall Jackson. Maybe you should get one of those  instead.

Alicia stared pointedly at her glass that was already half empty and said, “I’m fine.”
In response, Frigid Man waved his hand toward the bartender again. “Garçon!”
She snapped and yanked his arm down. “Please stop. I said I was fine.”

He looked down at her hand, then back up at her. “Maybe you need another drink,” he spaced his words out evenly. “Because you seem kind of frigid to me.”

Alicia dropped a ten dollar bill on the bar and stood. “Thank you for the movies,” she said and began moving toward the Exit. Something made her glance back when she was almost at the door. Frigid Man was sampling her wine.

The entire date was an Epic Fail (obviously). I told her she was nicer than me…I’d have had to cut him loose after he talked all the way through the movie. Certainly I’d have been contemplating violence at the very first “Garçon!” By the time he told me what to order, I’d likely have been deciding where I’d hide the body.

What are your thoughts about online dating? Have you or your friends tried online dating? Were the results positive or negative? Do you have any advice for Alicia? Enquiring minds always want to know here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

Contest update:

The winner of the Commenting Contest is Amy Shojai. Amy, please let me know if it is OK to release your email to Tiffany (NakedEditor). Either way, you have won a seat in her October class at the Lawson Writer’s Academy.

Entries for the Dirty Fighting mini-contest are starting to roll in. The rules are below:

Between now and midnight on 9/6, if you send me the following, I will work with Tiffany to pick the Top 3 and put them in a post here on More Cowbell.

Rules:

  • Send a short scene, maximum 150 words (if you need 155 to finish the sentence, I’m not gonna ding you, I promise) to JennyHansensMail (AT) aol (DOT) com.
  • Your scene may contain a sentence at the top telling us what the fight is about though it will be included in your wordcount. (We really just want the fight. :-) )
  • In your short scene, illustrate one or more of the classic Dirty Fighting techniques. If you choose to name the technique(s) you are going for by number, this will not detract from your count.

You can use this to work out some dialog for your WIP or just use practice characters for your conversations. If you just can not come up with your own scene, you may sub in one from your favorite author.

Tiffany Lawson Inman (NakedEditor) will take the winning three entries and do an on-screen edit of how to give them even more punch. (We’re gonna have so much fun!) Her analysis of the winning entries will be the Techie Tuesday post here on More Cowbell on September 20th!

GRAND PRIZE is: Free 1st Five Page Edit or Free Registration for her class in October:  http://bit.ly/TripleThreatBehindStagingA_Scene hosted by Lawson Writer’s Academy.

Good luck!

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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27 Responses to Dating Nightmare of the Week: “You Seem Kinda Frigid…”

  1. K.B. Owen says:

    My “slap hand” is twitching real bad right now! Oh, that’s sad and infuriating at the same time. Poor gal. Thanks for sharing this, Jenny!

    Like

  2. Laura Drake says:

    Okay, feeling good about myself, because at least I never went out with THAT guy! So glad I’m not in the market – so sorry the quality of offerings are so low….

    Like

  3. amyshojai says:

    AWESOME!!! I won I won I won SNOOPY-DANCE-O-JOY!!! (ahem…)

    I’m just a weeee bit thrilled (can you tell?) and YES you may send my email. Oh, and the wine-sampling slug story is priceless. Glad I wasn’t imbibing a beverage as I read that. *s*

    Like

  4. I’m with you Jenny although I’m not sure I would have lasted through the movie. People who talk during movies, Christmas concerts, etc. makes my hair stand straight out. It’s not a pretty sight. To me it’s as about as rude as you can get. Ok, ok. I know. There is ruder but if it gets much ruder then that person is pretty close to being psycho. Then you really don’t want to be around them.

    Alicia is a very patient, nice woman who deserved better. A lot better.

    Like

  5. I can’t imagine having a date tell me that, but maybe that’s because I’m not female. I think Alicia handled it coolly, especially since her knee didn’t accidentally send him rolling on the floor holding his crotch and screaming.

    Tales like this make me very glad I’m not in the dating market. I never really enjoyed it – much prefer to be settled with one woman – and the thought of dating these days scares me. On top of all the awkward situations, there’s STDs to be concerned about.

    I think I’ll go hug my wife.

    Like

  6. Luckily, I met my man before the world of online dating really took off. I personally know some success stories (great marriages), but call me skeptical. I wouldn’t do it. I’d rather be known as the crazy cat-lady.🙂

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      The crazy cat-lady? You??? I don’t think so!

      I have exactly two people who have made amazing matches online. Everyone else says it’s the dregs. They swear if they have to “wink” at one more person, they’ll want to jump off a cliff.

      Like

  7. Catie Rhodes says:

    I’ve been trying all effing day to get to this post. It is so funny. I could totally pick up on the scene. This was one of those men who Knows Everything™. He’s exactly the kind of man I am talking about when I say I don’t want some man trying to tell me what.

    Anyway, one of my husband’s friends met his current wife online. I think he had decided he was going to get remarried and going to have more kids…period. He went through about 5 five women until he found the Ms. Right. They were married within a year and had a baby within a year and a half. From what I can understand, Ms. Right had also reached the conclusion it was time for her remarry. I think the two of them get along well. LOL

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yep, this guy had Dirty Fighting tattoed on his hiney for sure. There are a few failed dates of EPIC proportions that we laugh about and this definitely in that category.

      That’s so funny that you’ve been trying to do that with today’s post. I do that with yours ALL THE TIME. Thanks for the smile, Catie!

      Like

  8. For some reason I can’t past the fact that he expected chips and salsa AND called a waiter at Macaroni Grill “Garcon” Oh my. It was kind of creepy the way he wanted to control which wine she chose too. Good for her for ending the date.

    One of my friends has been trying online dating on and off for years and she has finally found someone decent. No plans for marriage but they do see each other exclusively.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yep, Kate…he had the creep factor in spades.

      The chips and salsa had me laughing, the Garcon moved me up to a snort and the “you seem kinda frigid” moved me up to choking. My pals always seem to tell me this stuff when i’m driving so I have to pull over. But the laugh is always worth it.

      Like

  9. Lesann says:

    I’m just speechless but it’s only because the furor of words are all struggling in the doorway of my mouth. What a prize assrat (my grandpa’s term for male vermin of the human type). Good grief. Good escape!

    Like

  10. jamilajamison says:

    I have SO many online dating stories. I met my first (and, to date, last) boyfriend on OkCupid over two years ago. It was actually a really pleasant experience — there were 3 different guys interested in me, and I picked #3. We were exclusive within a month, so it didn’t take too long for me to exit out of the dating game.

    About 6 months after the ex and I broke up, I started dating again. Thus began the Great OkCupid Experiment of May 2011, which ended in spectacular failure. I learned that almost every single woman in my department is on OkC… which meant that we were all dating the same men. We started trading tips at social gatherings, which became a little creepy. The clincher was the night I introduced myself to a random woman at a potluck and she gave me her life story, including news that she had recently reunited with her ex-boyfriend through the OkCupid. Her ex? A guy I had been messaging for the better part of a month — totally awkward.

    If that wasn’t bad enough, I later told my friend Megan about the conversation, only to have her say, “Wait, no… That’s Denny’s Guy.” “Denny’s Guy” was this weird dude who took her to Denny’s for their date, ordered a single Grand Slam to share, and proceeded to tell her that she could have the pancakes because he “didn’t do carbs.”

    Then there’s Oscar, the incredibly clingy guy I hung out with twice (and by “hang out” I mean “coffee at Starbucks”). I told him I wasn’t interested at the end of June, but he continues to text me nightly. Each message is a variation of “What’s up?” (with the exception of a very strange, “Wanna go to Disneyland?” message). Needless to say, I’ve deleted all my online dating accounts and I think I’m going to avoid the whole scene. I have zilch confidence in the Santa Barbara man-pool.

    Like

  11. Sara Grambusch says:

    This is hilarious! Your friend handled herself with far more grace than I would have been able to muster. I dated online for over a year and now I’ve been with someone 2yrs who I met online, but it’s really a mixed bag out there. I wrote this post on online dating awhile ago if anyone’s interested: http://sarasexpletives.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/date-online/
    I never had an experience quite like that, I had some really boring dates but never met a COMPLETE asshole. That guy truly is clueless. I bet his whole life has been like that. Oh man, thanks for the laugh🙂

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I did Speed Dating because I liked to eyeball the guys. I was always surprised by how much I could tell in 5 minutes. I never did online dating (for which I continue to be sorta thankful).

      You are welcome for the laugh…Alicia gave me one, so I needed to pay it forward.🙂

      Like

  12. Oh my. So glad I’m not in the dating phase anymore.😀 That dude needed a warning label. LOL

    Like

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