Embarrassing Dating Moment #1: “She Pees In The Woods!”

 

Last week’s Triple D Friday at More Cowbell highlighted Clair’s warning label for her dates. (Turns out she DID have another date after handing that warning label on Date #1! I’ll keep you posted…)

I asked for YOUR most embarrassing/horrifying dating moments and heard LOTS of “Oh My God!” stories via Twitter, email, phone and the comments section in this blog. Y’all have some whoppers!

Because there are too many to put into one blog, I’m going to divide this over two weeks. This Friday’s column is dedicated to the most jaw-dropping embarrassing moment I heard this week and I’ll save the runners-up for next week.

It all started with an unemployed father and an evening networking event… Our heroine’s name in this saga has been changed to protect family relations.

Megan’s father was past 60 when he was laid off in the middle of the current economic downturn (arguably the worst time to get a job this country has ever seen). It’s frightening to lose your job in the best of times so I’m trying to cut the guy some slack.

Megan’s dad begged her to come to a networking meeting one recent Tuesday evening. He asked if she’d be willing to “rain some of her charm” on a potential employer he was courting who would be at the meeting.He also stressed to her that there would be “really attractive men” there for her to meet.

Megan had no Tuesday plans and, as a perennial single thirty-something, attractive men sounded good. She arrived at the meeting about 20 minutes after it started, ready to chat it up with all the cute guys. Her dad greeted her and led her over to a grey-haired gentleman at least 20 years her senior. We’ll call him Larry.

“Larry, I’d like you to meet my pretty daughter! What are you two drinking? I’ll get it for you from the bar.” After getting the drink orders he sailed off, leaving Megan and Larry together.

“Your dad has told me a lot about you,” Larry says, “he’s obviously very proud of you and your accomplishments.”

Accomplishments?  “That’s nice,” Megan said.

“Yes, he says you’re very outdoorsy. I hear you rock-climb.”

As they made small talk, Megan tried to relax and ooze some charm on the “potential boss.” She quickly realized a few things. 

Her dad had a few more drinks in him than she would expect for a networking event. And Larry started flirting with her, which felt a little bit creepy. Plus, all the cute men she was seeing had wedding bands on.

After what seemed like hours (and was probably only 20 minutes) her father approached her table with a very attractive forty-ish man named David. After introducing the two younger people, Megan’s father waved them away to get acquainted.

As they sat down at a table across the room, David turned to Megan and asked if she needed another drink.

“Just some sparkling water please.”

“Oh, I thought you’d be more of a drinker. You sure you don’t want a beer?”

Perplexed, Megan said no and looked around while David went for the water. She tried not to make eye contact with Larry, who sent her a coy finger wave from across the room.

David slid her water in front of her with a cocktail napkin and sat down. “So, your dad sure is proud of you.”

“Oh? Did he have nice things to say?”

“The usual proud daddy stuff. He said you were single, pretty, smart… Oh, and he mentioned you’re quite the outdoor type.”

Wow, had her dad told everyone she liked to climb? Megan smiled and chatted with David, finishing her water slowly to give him ample time to ask her out. (He didn’t.)

His continued references to her “camping/outdoorsy/rugged” skills led her to believe that Nature wasn’t a real interest of his. Perhaps the rock-climbing put him off; a lot of men were intimidated by it.

After David said his goodbyes, Megan wandered back over to see how things were going with her dad and Larry. As she drew close, her father said, “Soooo, when are you and David going out?”

Megan wanted to melt into the ground but she smiled and said, “We’re not.”

“Well that’s a shame,” her father said, standing and waving her into his seat. “Would the two of you like anything else to eat or drink? I’m going to go chat with the bartender.”

“Just water please.”

Larry leaned toward her once her dad was out of earshot. “Megan, that young man was a fool not to scoop you right up. I’d love to take you out. You sound like an adventurous young gal.”

Megan was a bit dumfounded. The age difference alone was prohibitive but it also seemed a little bit. . .tacky to try to pick up a potential employee’s daughter.

Trying to think of a response that wouldn’t offend she said, “Larry, that’s very sweet of you and I’m flattered. I feel like you and I should just be friends, particularly since you might end up employing my father.”

“Oh, your father won’t be working for me,” Larry said. “He drinks a bit much for my taste and seems to get loose lips with the alcohol.” Before she could ask what he meant, he continued. “Take what he said about you, for example.”

Megan felt a blush start heating up her chest and prayed it wouldn’t spread to her face. “What exactly did he say about me?”

“Well, you know he’s a proud papa. He raves about your job and your rock-climbing. He said you love to camp and fish. And he told us you like to pee in the woods.”

“Excuse me?”  He told US what????

“Yes siree. He told a bunch of us earlier about the times when you and your family went camping and you refused to walk up the road to the outhouse, said you wanted to commune with nature instead. He assured us you still like to ‘do your business’ alfresco.”

Megan froze in her chair, certain her face was flaming red by now. She wondered if she’d be arrested for kicking her dad’s ass all over the restaurant.

She sat there in shocked silence until Larry stood and took her hand. “You’re a nice girl, Megan. That young man was at the table with me, listening to your dad brag about you. It’s his loss that he didn’t ask you on a date. Here’s my card if you change your mind about letting me take you out.”

When Megan called to tell me this story, I laughed so hard I started choking. I know all the parties involved, you see…I could perfectly imagine Daddy Dearest “entertaining the table” with this (very inappropriate) story.

I had two questions for her:

1. So your dad actually pimped you out FOR A JOB!??
   and
2. Please, please, please can I use this for my blog?

More embarrassing dating moments coming your way next Friday!

Do I have any outdoorsy types here? Campers, fishers? I LOVE to fish, by the way. . .I can take or leave the camping. I have friends who think that “roughing it” is a hotel without room service, how do you feel about it? Also, have any of you had a matchmaker who shared embarrassing details with your potential date? How did you deal with it?

Enquiring minds always want to know at More Cowbell!

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

#1 – I’ve written 550 of my 2,500 word goal on my WIP so far for ROW80 so I’ve got to step on it over the weekend! How’s everyone else doing?

#2 – Margie Lawson has an OUTSTANDING BLOG over at Writers In The Storm today called, 10 Not Absurd Tips For Writing Fiction. Your comment on the post puts you in the drawing for one of her lecture packets (which is like being heaped with oodles of writing riches)!

#3 – I am emailing the June Let’s Meet Up Contest winners today to set a date. With the holiday, ROW80 and houseguests, the time has sailed away from me. If you DON’T receive my email by the end of the day today, please either leave me a heads up in the comments or email me at jennyhansensmail@aol.com.

Have a fun, relaxing weekend! I’m toying with a weekend blog so stay tuned…

Jenny