I really wavered on the subject…after all, my blogging mentor (Kristen Lamb) tells us to be positive (and dating today is “iffy” at best without a stellar plan). Plus, did they really have to remind me about how long I dated before I met my husband? Sheesh.
However, Social Media Goddess Kristen also stresses that blogging is about what the readers want, and not so much about what we want. My pals are definitely reading this blog and they want some dating answers (actually they wanted ‘em yesterday!).
I’m not just talking about the common sense tips our mothers gave us: don’t discuss politics, religion or your exes on those first few dates. Blah-blah-blah. (Snore.)
If you’ve reached the age of thirty and you don’t know these things yet, I recommend reading either of these articles: The Sun: The Top 10 Dating Dont’s or Oprah: The Millionaire Matchmaker’s Top 10 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date.
No, my friends want answers to questions like:
- Where do you find your soul mate?
- How do you manage this online dating thing?
- What do you do if someone calls you frigid on a first date?
- What to do if your unemployed father tries to barter dates for jobs – that would be dates between you and various hiring managers.
Those are the kinds of questions they’re looking for the answers to, and there will be blogs on all of the above.
To start with question #1, the best answer we’ve come up with is STOP LOOKING. Seriously.
Quit that frantic searching. Stay put and take time to celebrate you. Do things like:
- Follow your passion – whether it’s for rock-climbing or decoupage.
- Unpack some of that emotional baggage, whether it’s through roundtable discussions with your BFF or a really good therapist.
- Get in shape so that you are happy with the way you look. I’m not talking about striving to be Jennifer Aniston – just get into better health and a sense of physical well-being, so your body can do the things you ask of it, and you can accept a compliment.
It’s like the movie, Field of Dreams – it’s corny but true. If you build yourself he/she will come. Put your energy into being the best “you” there is and your soul mate will home in on you like a beacon. Trust me, when you’re happy with who you are, a life partner will come along who feels the same.
Love is not a fixer-upper. Soul mates love you and, best of all, they “get” you. The catch is that you’ve got to love yourself first in order for your one-and-only to find you.
Some of you are shaking your head and muttering, “Love, Schmove. I just want to meet someone nice and have a few freaking dates, OK?”
I understand. The search gets old; we get tired.
Perhaps you’re wondering whether I’m qualified to speak to you on this whole Disastrous Dating Don’ts thing. I assure you that I screwed dating up in nearly every possible manner before husband found me (and helped me get my head sorted out). My girlfriends can certainly vouch for my years of Triple D experience, but I’ll let you decide for yourself.
Next Thursday’s installment – Dating By Committee – will bring you my story. We’ll see what you have to say about dating disasters then!
In the meantime, I hope you’ll share some of your funny, touching or unfortunate experiences in the comments. If they’re too good to pass up, I’ll find a way to work them into a future blog.
Till next time,