Are You a Big Ho for an Amazon Card?

I am such a Ho for an Amazon card.

Seriously, Hubby knows…forget the new purse, earrings or flowers, and go for the Amazon card. I heap him with love and compliments every time I “one-click.”

Of course, when it came time to give something away for this year’s blogiversary, the Big A card was first in line.

This month’s $20 card winner is Kristal Zacharias! p.s. If you’re not following her on Twitter (@clearlykristal), you totally should. She’s THE BOMB!!!

As far as the last More Cowbell bumper sticker for the month, Nigel Blackwell is our last winner of the month. I wish I’d known before I left for DFWCon…I’d have put it in my suitcase! (Nigel, I will get your address at the conference…right after we take a photo in our wigs. )

I had sooo much fun in April. Thanks to all of you who rode the A-Z rollercoaster with me. The posse here is the best around as far as I’m concerned.

I’m taking a few days off to whoop it up in Texas. See y’all on the flip side, if you know what I mean… If you need to find me over the next few days, either comment here or tag me on Twitter at @JennyHansenCA. If you’re at the conference, just look for the purple wig.

~ Jenny

Z is for Zorino, Zatch and 12 Other Zany Words I’d Never Heard Of

You know why I do the A to Z Blogging Challenge every year, despite the extra work? Because it makes me stretch and learn.

Hubby and I were talking over “Z” words (especially after yesterday’s Scrabble post) and trying to decide which one would make the coolest “Z” post to end the challenge with a bang, if you know what I mean.

We came across a site called The Phrontistery (that means: a thinking place). (S)he had this Groovy List of Unusual Words Beginning with Z. It is amazing.

[And I swear, this guy is Julie Glover's twin separated at birth. She's the only other person I know who knows these things.]

Our favorites were as follows:

Word	Definition
zabuton	flat Japanese cushion for kneeling or sitting
zalambdodont	having molar teeth with V-shaped ridges
zampone	stuffed pigs’ trotter sausage (LOL…trotters)
zarf	ornamental holder for hot coffee cup (but it sounds like barf… *whines*)
zatch	female genitalia (yep, made me snort)
zebrinny	offspring of male horse and female zebra (Really??)
zebroid	like or resembling a zebra
zelatrix	older nun in charge of disciplining younger nuns (Now I’m thinking about nuns with whips. Freaky…)
zenzizenzizenzic	eighth power of a number (Say it…it’s a great word!)
zizel	chipmunk (Oh, Gene…do you whisper zizels too??)
zoanthropy	delusion that one is an animal
zoppetto	medieval Italian limping hop dance (how do you hop AND limp at the same time?)
zorino	euphemism for skunk fur (WHY is there a euphemism for this?)
zyzzyva	South American weevil (Can YOU pronounce it?)

Do you have zany “Z” words that you love? Which of the above words made you laugh? Did you have a favorite More Cowbell post during this year’s challenge? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

ANNOUNCEMENTS: I’ll get one more quick post up this week before the DFW festivities begin so that you don’t have to wait to find out who won the last bumper sticker and who won the Amazon card (remember you must subscribe to be in the running for that last one)!

p.s. I’ve got my gorgeous Cowbell ready to deliver to Julie Glover, the kickoff gal for the Cowbell Chronicles.

Y is for Y Chromosome: Man Motivation (or How I Get My Dudes To Play Scrabble)

Whether it’s testosterone, perversity, or just plain curiosity, most of the men I know are fiercely competitive. That’s been both a blessing and a curse when it comes to me and Scrabble.

You see, I looooooooove to play Scrabble. And I am fiercely competitive. Plus I know the meaning of weird two-letter words like:

• ka is a spiritual force
• ai is a three-toed sloth
• jo means sweetheart
• I don’t know what the hell za means, but I know it’s legal to use.

If I play balls out, I’d typically wipe the Scrabble board with my boyfriends, which of course they HATED. My husband is the first man who ever liked to play just because he liked the game (and loves to see me happy).

It’s been a pretty safe bet in relationships past that once the men in my life find out about my Scrabble talent, they’d get much less interested in playing Scrabble with me.

But I looooooooove to play Scrabble!

So I tricked them into it.

Seriously, it’s easy…you just have to play dirty, if you know what I mean.

Top 4 Most Successful Ways to Coerce Dudes to Play Scrabble**:

• Strip Scrabble.
  Warning: If you’re great at the game, your bluff gets called pretty quickly on this. The enticement of nakedness will lead your Scrabble partner along for a game or two, but after they’re down to nothing and you’ve only taken your shoes off, multiple games in a row, they’ll begin to catch on.
• Naked Scrabble.
  It’s a pretty safe bet that, even if they don’t love Scrabble, they DO love naked women. Therefore, it’s a win-win. And you don’t need to put them through the embarrassment of the above method.
• Bribery.
  One of my girlfriends traded sex for chores. For me it was “food for Scrabble.” (No, I didn’t starve the guy, I just held his favorite baked goods hostage for Scrabble games. No Scrabble, no cookies.)
• Trade off Games.
  It’s only fair. Perhaps they love a game you hate (like Monopoly). You can trade off playing each person’s favorite game, with a periodic foray into something you both love (like Doctor).

Do you have things you like to do that your “Y Chromosome” doesn’t? How do you motivate them to play? And how about you “Ys”…do you have tricks that work the other direction on the “X Chromosomes” in your life? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

REMINDER: Don’t forget! April is also my blogiversary month and one lucky subscriber will receive an Amazon card when I pick the winner at the end of the month. If you haven’t subscribed yet, please do.

X is for X Chromosome: 18 Interesting Facts About Women

Cartoon from Helentoons.com

In honor of my Baby Girl, mothers, and the “X” in the A-Z Blog Challenge, we’re equating the X chromosome with females today. Let’s celebrate some Girl Power! All of you males with moms, wives and sisters can celebrate along with us.

Here’s 18 varied and interesting facts about women**:

General

• The word “woman” is believed to have derived from the Middle English term wyfman, broken down simply as the wife (wyf) of man. In Old English, women were described simply as wyf, while the term man was used to describe a human person, regardless of gender.
• The English word “girl” was initially used to describe a young person of either sex. It was not until the beginning of the sixteenth century that the term was used specifically to describe a female child. (Fascinating stuff!)
• The biological sign for the female sex, a circle placed on top of a small cross, is also the symbol for the planet Venus.
• The English language originally delineated between women in different stages of life with the terms “maiden,” “mother,” and “crone.” A maiden referred to a young girl who was unmarried, a mother referred to a woman in her child-bearing years, and a crone described a post-menopausal woman. (I sooooo love the word, “crone!”)

Biological

• The average height of a woman in the U.S. is approximately 5 feet 4 inches, and the average weight is about 163 pounds. (I find this sad considering that the “ideal” for most women is to be 30-40 pounds less than that.)
• There are roughly four million more women than men in the U.S. (This completely explains some of the dating issues we’ve discussed here at More Cowbell.)
• The most common cause of death for American women is heart disease, which causes just over 27% of all mortalities in females. Cancer ranks just below, causing 22% of female deaths.
• The probability of a woman giving birth to a baby girl instead of a baby boy increases significantly the nearer the mother lives to the equator. While the cause of this gender selection is unknown, scientists believe the constant sunlight hours and abundant food supply in tropical regions may favor female births.

Historical

• The first Mother’s Day was held on May 10, 1908, and was organized by Anna Jarvis in West Virginia and Philadelphia. Congress designated the second Sunday in May as a national day of recognition for mothers in 1914.
• International Women’s Day is held each year on March 8. The annual event was first observed worldwide in 1909.
• Approximately 14% of active members in the U.S. armed forces today are women. (Thank you, Ladies!!) In 1950, women comprised less than 2% of the U.S. military.
• The first female governor of a U.S. state was Wyoming governor Nellie Tayloe Ross, elected in 1924. Wyoming was also the first state to give women the right to vote, enacting women’s suffrage in 1869.
• The first country to grant women the right to vote in the modern era was New Zealand in 1893.
• According to an ancient Sumerian legend, the universe was created by a female, the goddess Tiamat. This role of a female creator is not unique, as the Australian Aboriginal creation myth also credits the creation of life to a woman.

Sexual

• The record for the most female orgasms is 134 in one hour. (That’s what I’m talkin’ about!)
• Because there is an increase in blood circulation around the genitals during a woman’s period, she may experience more powerful orgasms during this time. Click here to see the incredible post August McLaughlin did about the other benefits of the female cycle.
• The word “clitoris” is Greek for “divine and goddess like.” The clitoris is present only in female mammals. It is actually approximately 4 inches long, with 3/4 of the clitoris extending inside a female’s body.
• Women are capable of having different types of orgasms, depending on the stimulation. The clitoral orgasm is the most commonly known, often the most powerful, and the most often achieved. The second type is a vaginal orgasm. The third kind is a blended orgasm, or when a woman’s vagina and clitoris are simultaneously stimulated. Some women can also have an orgasm through kissing, nipple stimulation, or simply pressing their legs together.

**These facts came from Random Facts (I love that place!).

What else do you know about women? I’ll take all of it – be it interesting, funny, unique or sad (I left most of the sad facts out of this post). Are there things about women that have surprised or inspired you? Enquiring minds always  want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

Double Announcement! I had a blond week moment and forgot to give out the Cowbell bumper sticker last weekend, so today I’ll award both weeks. Last week’s winner was Juli Page Morgan. This week’s winner is Renée Shuls-Jacobson.

Y’all send me your address in a direct message in Twitter and I’ll pop it into the mail when I get back from DFWCon.

W is for Wig Mania (Happening Next Week at #DFWCon)

Anyone who knows Tameri Etherton knows she’s very sparkly. Seriously, she’s funnier than hell and she lights up a room…especially when she’s wearing her hot pink wig.

We had a WANA gathering not so long ago where she brought that hot wig you see above. Not only did it make the rounds (almost everyone HAD to try it on), but she’s started a movement that has extended to next week’s DFW Writers Conference. (Click here to see more photos like the ones below.)

Gloria Richard has bought a cobalt blue one, and my (awesome, wonderful) friend Tameri has bought this magical thing for ME.  Squeeeee!

My hubby is gonna lose his mind when he sees me in this thing.

Addendum: Tameri sent out a packing picture and I went shrieking around my house. Isn’t it GORGEOUS???

Do you have any fun wigs (or other costumes) we need to hear about? Where do you wear them? Are you going to the DFW Conference next week? If so, let’s talk about the party we need to plan for Saturday night! [All ideas accepted: Whether you're attending the conference or not...you will be there in spirit.] Enquiring minds need to know these things here at More Cowbell!!

Jenny

Double Announcement! I had a blond week moment and forgot to give out the Cowbell bumper sticker last weekend, so tomorrow in the “X” post, I’ll award both weeks. Stay tuned…

V is for Very, Very Scary Things

Welcome to Thoughty Thursday here at More Cowbell! Thanks to a visit to the dentist yesterday, I’ve got phobias on my mind.

Earlier in the month, y’all got to hear about me getting wigged out by the dentist.

Sure enough, yesterday was filled with sucky things and scrape-y jobbers that turn me into a white-knuckled freak. I didn’t even have an iPod to save me, thanks to an emergency trip to the pediatrician that dragged me out of the house before I could gather my dental supplies.

I swear to God, I almost asked for the gas. (At the dentist, not the pediatrician. That gets pretty well covered at the pediatrician’s office.)

Phobias are a tricky thing. Some of them are sudden (like my fear of heights) and some creep up on you over time (dental appointments…*shudders*).

What is a phobia?

A phobia is a completely irrational fear. Sufferers know they are behaving oddly. But that doesn’t lessen the fear – in fact, it can make it worse. Phobias are a subconscious reaction — logic and rationality don’t help. In short, it is a flaw in their perception of reality.

I looked up the 10 Most Common Phobias. Did you know that the rest of the world fears different things than Americans?

Some of the “World Top 10″ — Fear of snakes, darkness, another person, dogs and the dentist — did not make the U.S. Top 10 Phobia list, which is shown below.

Here are the most common phobias reported by American men and women.

1. Arachnophobia – the fear of spiders. There is no escape from these eight-legged beasts. They live in our houses, gardens, and even our places of work. True arachnophobes are even scared of pictures of spiders (which is why I didn’t use one for this post).

2. Social phobia – the fear of social situations. More than simple shyness. This is an extreme fear of being scrutinised by others, or humiliated by one’s own actions. This is usually where the fear of public speaking falls.

3. Aerophobia – the fear of flying. In a plane, obviously. Often paired with claustrophobia.

4. Agoraphobia – the fear of inescapable situations. The result is anxiety and panic attacks, which can easily become self-perpetuating. Extreme agoraphobes are confined to their own home, which is the only place they consider to be safe.

5. Claustrophobia – the fear of confined spaces. Sufferers will stay well away from elevators, trains and tiny cupboards under the stairs. May cause panic attacks if escape is not possible.

6. Acrophobia – the fear of heights. Sufferers may have panic attacks and put themselves in genuine danger if they can’t get down. Often confused with vertigo – which is merely a dizzy or spinning sensation and not necessarily caused by heights.

7. Emetophobia – the fear of vomit. No one likes the sight or smell of vomit, but these sufferers will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid the stuff.

8. Carcinophobia – the fear of cancer. Although it’s not contagious, a carcinophobe will believe he has cancer because he touched someone else with the disease.

9. Brontophobia – the fear of thunderstorms. Also known as astraphobia. Child and adult sufferers alike hide away from thunder and lightning, lest they suffer panic attacks and have difficulty breathing.

10. Necrophobia – the fear of death. Derived from the fear of being buried alive, after early excavations of coffins showed scratch marks made by trapped victims. Also relates to coffins and corpses.

There’s also a new phobia on the rise, according to British researchers:

Nomophobia is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact. The term, an abbreviation for “no-mobile-phone phobia“, was coined during a study to look at anxieties suffered by mobile phone users.

Which one of the above surprised you the most? For me it was #7. Fear of vomit? Huh. I can only speculate on what parents do when they have that one.

Do you have any phobias (and what is it)? Have you always had it, or was there a starting point that you remember? I see lots of writers fight the fear of success or failure (feel free to address that one too). Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

U is for Undies (of course): A Special Undie Chronicle for the Workout Peeps and Wig-Wearers

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.

If you’re counting, this is Volume 13! In honor of the April A to Z Blog Challenge (and More Cowbell’s 2nd anniversary), we’re doing TWO Undie Chronicles this month. Volume 12 was last week for letter “P.”

I believe it was August McLaughlin who alerted me to today’s gem:

HANDERPANTS

Yes, they’re real. And yes, they’re really called that. For $10.75, they can be YOURS.

Product Description:

What’s cooler than wearing mittens or gloves on your hands? Underpants for your hands, of course! (Of course!) Which is why when you wear the Handerpants, underwear for your hands, you will be styling all over town like nobody’s business. Comes in a pair and will fit most normal sized human hands.

(You see how they’re calling out “human hands?” I don’t want to know!)

Oh, and the manufacturers recommended age?  4 years and up. That means you’re welcome to make your child a social pariah from kindergarten on by getting them some of these babies.

The thing is…these would make smokin’ workout gloves.

Seriously. I just filed down the calluses on my hands from Crossfit. We do pull-ups (OK, I don’t…yet), muscle-ups, work on the rings…plus we sling around barbells. That’s all really hard on your hands.

These handerpants would come in handy, if you know what I mean. You’d just have to muster up the nerve to wear them to the gym. (You go first.)

And for all you wig-wearers (yes, I’m talking to you, Tameri Etherton)…there’s also the UNDERCAP. In fact, people who bought the HANDERPANTS frequently buy this combination of items:

Yep, those UNDERCAPS are some turbo-sexy items too.

The only thing freaking me about the UNDERCAP is this warning:

REALLY?? I’d have expected a “gagging hazard” based on their look but now I am dying over here about the “choking hazard.” That’s just crying out for an IYKWIM.

The HANDERPANTS reviews were pretty ho-hum, but the UNDERCAP? They had some special lovelies. Here’s my fave review:

4.0 out of 5 stars
works, but had to figure it out on my own
August 11, 2010

By Marka Twaina

Durability: 1.0 out of 5 stars    Educational: 1.0 out of 5 stars    Fun: 5.0 out of 5 stars

The item works like a charm, but lacks instructions. I think it’s appropriate to add them here:

1) Remove the cap from its packaging and give it a good stretch.

2) Pull the cap over your head, bringing the elastic band down until the cap feels snug but not tight. The writing on the elastic band should be facing outwards. Additional accessories like a fedora, low hanging jeans and a bad rap album are optional, but highly recommended.

3) Relax at home (or anywhere but your job) until Britney Spears shows up at your door to pay you alimony. There is the unintended side effect of having to rear the children she bears you.

Undercap pays for itself in no time!

My Recommendations:

• Do not eat chocolate or cook with saffron while wearing either of these items.
• It’s recommended that you refrain from dying yellow Easter eggs too.

So, have you already clicked those links and pulled out your credit card, or are you waiting on this particular purchase? What would you say if you saw those babies at the gym? Do you think they’d be cozy or not? Do you have any other recommendations for use of the Handerpants or Undercap? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny