Foolproof Fun for Valentine’s Day (Relationship NOT Required)

If they only made these gluten free...

If they only made these gluten free…

Valentine’s Day is still a week away, and all of my single pals are already sick of it.

Everywhere (except this post) there are hearts and flowers, and proclamations to buy a bit of romance.

I’m not going to discuss any of that schmaltzy stuff here. No siree. We’re gonna discuss the practical side of this Hallmark holiday.

[And in my humble opinion, if you have to buy your romance, you’re doing it all wrong.]

The key to a fun Valentine’s Day, whether
you’re coupled up or single, is advanced planning.

The hubs and I think going out on V-Day is dining suicide, but if you must go out, for the love of Cupid, make a reservation! (I use www.OpenTable.com for this, which is 24/7.)

If you stay home with your honey, I’ve got a foolprooof 4-step plan:

  1. If possible, send the kids out of the house, or put them to bed early.
  2. Plan a simple meal that can be reheated if #3 takes a while.
  3. Get naked.
  4. Buy a great card in advance. (The great ones are long gone by the 14th.)

If you’re single, I’ve got something fun for you too. This is the blog about MORE.

Russ-GrowDate-FemaleRuss-GrowDate-Man

Where were these things back when I was single?

The Russ Grow-A-Date Male is available at eBay for $2.95. (I got a male and a female at the local drug store for $2 each.) That’s cheaper than a rose or a box of chocolates!

Their marketing?

Place friend in room temp water.
Remain Untouched in water for several hours for full growth.
slowly shrinks to the smaller size when removed from water.
Your friend can be grown over and over again!!

I tell ya, these have it all over trying to force a date, especially in a new relationship (see below). The entertainment value alone is tremendous. Way better than a Chia pet.

Here’s a great example of Valentine angst (I about died when he rubbed his chest):

10 great reasons to “Grow Your Own” Valentine’s Date:

  1. No worrying about said date wandering off (or leaving you).
  2. No obnoxious texts before or after.
  3. No emotional drama – y’all remember Alicia and “Get Off Me,” right?
  4. Increases to 600% it’s normal size when wet (that part could be scary).
  5. You can do whatever you want for Valentine’s Day.
  6. Minimal clothes!
  7. The “no poaching” rule doesn’t apply – feel free to share with your pals.
  8. No crowds, unless you and your friends decide to “grow” together.
  9. No worrying about “where your relationship is going.”
  10. Do-It-Yourself-ing is COOL.

What are your plans for V-Day this year? Do you celebrate or ignore it? What about your best/worst Valentine’s Day ever? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

Donut above ~ photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography via photopin cc

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About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! My passion is finding those qualities that are unique in every person and every piece of fiction. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestorm.wordpress.com). Write on!
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Foolproof Fun for Valentine’s Day (Relationship NOT Required)

  1. susielindau says:

    I LOVE the grow a date sponge!
    This year we made a reservation for four in the mountains because our daughter will most likely bring a friend! She has her eye on two boys, but will probably bring a girlfriend. It will be fun!

    Like

  2. Kit Dunsmore says:

    I love the video and I wish you’d written this post back when I was single; I would so have appreciated it!

    Current plans are to just spend time together. He’s been wanting to make Chicken Mole for me (I’ve never had it) so our special meal will be at home. Will definitely keep all your tips in mind. ;)

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That video slayed me, Kit! She’s all, “Maybe we’ll go to Paris!” And he’s like, “No, I don’t think she’s expecting anything.” LOL.

      Chicken Mole sounds yummy. Let us know how it turns out. :-)

      Like

  3. K.B. Owen says:

    LOL Jenny, those “grow a date” things look like they might get a little soggy. Maybe not a drawback for some folks…

    For the first time in a while, hubs and I are going for the “dining suicide” as you call it. But we did make reservations at an Italian place we like but haven’t gone to in a while. I’m getting cabin fever around here, and we have older kids who don’t reliably stay in bed IYKWIM.

    Hope you have a fun V Day, Jenny!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      BAHAHAHA! I love that dry humor of yours.

      Bonus for your dining out: you have reservations and you’ve been there before. Your waiters will be crazed, but maybe the managers will staff up. I understand the cabin fever…dates are hard to come by. (And yes, I know what you mean….)

      Like

      • K.B. Owen says:

        Wait ’til she’s older. Then you’ll REALLY know. But you’ve got plenty of time to make sure the knob lock works and you have a handy list of excuses as to why you two are behind a locked door. My fave: “Wow, that knob got stuck AGAIN? We’ve really got to fix that thing…” ;)

        Like

        • Jenny Hansen says:

          Ooooh, good one. She JUST started doing late night and morning exploring. We’ve, uh, very conveniently neglected to take the front off her crib so there will be a knob lock on our door soon. :-)

          Like

  4. Jeannene says:

    I’ve never had one of those sappy Valentines days. My bf is usually “off” planet on a 3-6 week dive trip, and I’m home with my (not his) kids. I wouldn’t know what to do with the pressure of the day. Ick.

    Like

    • Kit Dunsmore says:

      I’m with you on the unholy pressure of Hallmark holidays! We actually don’t celebrate V-day, usually, but it falls on a 3-day weekend this year. We’d be doing something special together regardless of the date on the calendar!

      Like

      • K.B. Owen says:

        Good point, Kit! I think V Day being on a Friday this year is the only reason we’re actually going out. Usually our weeknights are a round of homework monitoring/help, and other to-do lists. Although we have a nice custom of having cocktails and a boardgame on nights when hubs is home early enough. It’s like Valentine’s every day! ;)

        The only custom that must be kept on Valentine’s Day? Chocolate.

        Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Jeannene, is your guy a dive master? That’s got to be incredibly interesting. And I’ve always liked doing the kid Valentine thing. It’s just when the romantic expectations get tumbled into it that it gets all weird. :-)

      Like

  5. amyskennedy says:

    We’ve never gone out on V day–but we usually have a nice dinner at home. I liked doing things for the kids when they were little…heart shaped cake, pink heart napkins etcetera. I do love hearts though, so I’ll decorate (even if just for myself).

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I love hearts too, Amy. They’re so pretty and happy. Mine is WAY too into cake and sweets as it is, so I’ll wait till next year to make a cake. However, I do get her Valentines for her class each year. This year, I’ll make her help me. :-)

      The best part for me? My guy makes dinner. He only does that a few times a year, so it’s very special.

      Like

  6. Sharla Rae says:

    I’ve never gotten a card from hubby for ANY occasion. I get flowers for everything but never a card. Sometimes I get jewelry. Those are the two standards. No surprises after all these years. At least he remembers. :) I saw the vid above and laughed. Single or married, guys just want the cookie.

    Like

  7. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    I am so glad I am across from a Hallmark store at work and there are enough bodegas that sell great bouquets of flowers on the way home!

    Getting naked is always on the agenda!

    Like

  8. I’m going to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Was going to ask my acupuncturist for a date but over-thought and chickened out. I dunno, maybe fear of rejection or having her wind up in a long list of unattainable women in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you have somebody.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Tom, you’ve got a whole week if you change your mind. When I was single, I’d usually either go out with my single pals, or babysit for my friends that had small children. It made me happy to pay it forward on a day when i didn’t have a lot going on.

      Like

  9. Julie Glover says:

    That video was hilarious! Ah, the differing expectations for holidays…

    I told my husband he’s super-lucky, because I’m not a big holiday girl. Well, except for my birthday and anniversary. Our specific days, but less so on designated ones. Actually, now that I think about it, I need to start shopping for my anniversary present from him. I think he’s getting me something really great this year…because I’m picking it out. ;)

    Like

  10. Pingback: Romance Hilarity, Online Dating and Soulmate Love with @MarlaMartenson | August McLaughlin's Blog

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