Christmas morning at the Hansen House ROCKED!
Last year at this time we were grieving my mother-in-law’s passing and rehabbing a house in one of the rainiest seasons Southern California has ever had.
I cannot describe to you the relief of having all that behind us and waking up Christmas morning with nothing to do but drink caffeinated beverages and enjoy watching Baby Girl learn about Christmas.
Our morning was filled with stockings and Elmo and the Little People. (My brother thought I was talking about midgets! I’m talking about Fisher Price people she can hold in her hand. They sit in buses and slide down tunnels and such. Baby Girl is delighted with the Little People. And wrapping paper and boxes.)
Anyway, one of the things I put in her stocking were band-aids. (I’m a mom! Sue me.) We know we’re going to need them so it’s nice to get boxes with cute pictures so she feels kindly toward them when the Boo-Boo comes.
I got a box of Elmo band-aids because he’s her favorite and a Hello Kitty box because it was cute. So, Baby Girl gets after her stocking like a veteran and she’s shaking this Hello Kitty box like a pair of primo maracas.
Hubby and I started laughing and I’m sipping my first cup of coffee and thinking all is right with the world.
Then HE says: I guess we can be happy it’s the Hello Kitty box and not the Pretty Kitty box, if you know what I mean. I’d be worried.
Me: Say what?? I DON’T know what you mean. What’s the Pretty Kitty box? Are you on crack? (My standard response before two cups of coffee.)
Hubby: You’ve never seen the Pretty Kitty ad? It comes in the mailer, like to our house.
Me: Are you talking about the Death by Advertising rags I throw in the trash?
Hubby: I guess so.
Me: No…I’ve never seen that ad. WHAT is Pretty Kitty?
Hubby: You know…they wax. They do Brazilians and bikinis…stuff like that.
Me: Dude. You don’t even know what a Brazilian is if we’re not talking about a person from South America.
Hubby: Oh, I know what a Brazilian is.
Me: Have you ever had a Brazilian??
Hubby: Um, NO. That would be painful.
Me: Holy Mother of God! You DO know what a Brazilian is! How do you know this?
Hubby: I might have watched pornographic material from time to time.
Me: *snort* So what exactly does a Brazilian look like?
Hubby: A landing strip. You know…on your va-jay-jay.
Me: *long stare* OK, so you know. GOOD FOR YOU. Is this Pretty Kitty really a place? You’re not making it up?
Hubby: It’s a place.
Me: *looking it up on the internet* Holy crap! There’s like EIGHT Pretty Kitty locations. That’s a whole lot of waxing.
Hubby: I guess there’s a lot of kitties being landscaped.
Me: *beady eyes* You’re not suggesting that I need some landscaping…RIGHT??!
Hubby: Not suggesting a thing. Relax. Drink your coffee.
Me: Hmmmm. *chugging caffeine* You know, I have a family blog…I can’t put stuff like Pretty Kitty in.
Hubby: You have the UNDIE CHRONICLES. How can you call this a family blog?
Me: There was nothing explicit in that! No body parts or anything like landing strips.
Hubby: You had TRUNKS! Plus you had the Rowdy Beaver!! And why can’t you have stuff about body parts? Where do they think a family comes from?
Me: Never mind.
Am I the only one who has this sort of conversation before coffee? What was your Christmas like? Did you have innocuous conversation or did your morning go Crazytown like mine? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!
Happy Day after Christmas…